


Surely Heaven Waits for You

by JustNeededAUsername



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A three-episode add-on so we can have a nice even 330 episodes show and my OCD can relax, Castiel/Dean Winchester-centric, Dean Winchester-centric, Dean-Centric, Destiel - Freeform, Don’t want the Tags to Give Away the Plot, Fluff, I’m bad at tagging, M/M, POV a Bit All Over the Place, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, So Much Longer than Planned, Uncomplicated love, also, alternative ending, one last job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 36,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29593518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustNeededAUsername/pseuds/JustNeededAUsername
Summary: Follows the events of 15x20. Could Jack really bring back Castiel without any consequences? Plus, Dean and Cas have some feelings to sort out. One last job for my favourite hunter.A three-episode add-on so we can have a nice even 330 episodes show and my OCD can relax. See more/better description in preface.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	1. Preface

Is every Destiel fan destined to end up writing their own version of Dean and Cas ending up together?

Oh well, down the rabbit hole.

It was initially meant to be more or less a Destiel fic but turned into something more like a season 15 add-on. I won’t call it a fix-it fic, though I guess I do try to fix some specific points. I’ll save most of my thoughts (rambling) about it for the afterword. But here are the basic ideas behind this story:

1) Could Jack really bring back Castiel from the Empty again without any consequences?

2) I think New Heaven seems to be just like our “real” Earth. Everyone is together, everyone is happy, no monsters, no evil. Okay, so maybe New Heaven is a little bit better than our reality. But still, it sounds kinda boring to me. If there is a Heaven, I hope it is a bit more exciting than the world we live in now. Like, I expect unicorns or something. So I thought; Can a life-long hunter really find peace in this kind of world?

3) I liked the ending of the show (I will elaborate on this in the afterword), but I hated the way they just casually mentioned Cas. It might have been a COVID thing, but really? Are you just going to leave me hanging with an “Oh, BTW, Cas is alright”? WTF! He just made a beautiful sacrifice two episodes ago, and now you’re ruining it like that? If you had to bring him back, at least let Dean and Cas talk it out instead of leaving all the fans with unresolved feelings, no matter if they were going to end up together or not. I don’t care, just give me closure! (So much for saving the rambling for the afterword...)

Without further ado - Please enjoy!

P.S. I own nothing but my crazy, little head and the random ideas it won’t let go of until I put them on paper.


	2. Another Day in This Carnival of Souls

Time truly worked differently in Heaven. It only seemed like hours since his arrival when Sam greeted him on the bridge. And in that short time, Sam had lived a full life.

He had a nephew. Named after him. He had masked the overwhelming honour he felt with a; “Really? That’ll be pretty confusion at the family dinners, don’t you think?”

Sam saw right through him, and just clapped his shoulder with a smile and an exasperated headshake.

Time seemed to normalise after they left the bridge to look up the rest of their family and friends. Whatever ‘normal’ meant in Heaven. Maybe it was just because they were together again, and that was all they needed to feel normal.

Just like Dean had sensed Sam’s arrival, everyone they had ever known seemed to sense their approach. Their parents greeted them in front of their childhood home. It seemed misplaced out in the wilderness, and yet the surroundings fit so perfectly. None of them had ever wanted to return to Lawrence. They had avoided it like the plague. But the house, with all the bad memories it might contain, was still the closest thing to a home that the Winchesters had ever known together. So it was still their house. But instead of living on their old street, they lived out here among ever-stretching hills and trees, close to Bobby and Rufus and Jo and Ellen and lots of other hunters.

Their own little piece of paradise.

-.-.-.-

Their first night was spent with only their parents. It was even better than their dinner during The Baozhu, no deadline hanging over them where they would have to smash the dream. They talked, laughed and cried all through the night, not going to bed until they had watched the sun rise together.

His bedroom was not his childhood room, thankfully. The bed would have been too small, and he had – almost – outgrown the car-patterned wallpaper. It was his room from the bunker with his exact decorating and personal touches. It was a bit bigger, a bit more spacious. The only major difference was the window that let in the red rays of the rising sun.

He had not considered that sleep was necessary in Heaven. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was just a basic animal instinct to sleep, and if Heaven took that away, people would go nuts.

Something was different about sleeping, though. The bed was bigger and just the right degree of soft. Not too warm, not too cold. Goldilocks would approve.

He didn’t dream. It was like closing his eyes, and then waking up seven hours later feeling well-rested. It might have worried some people that they didn’t dream, but for Dean, it was a relief. Not even overthrowing Chuck had taken away his nightmares. He was still haunted by the people he couldn’t save, the wrong decisions he had made, the friends he had lost along the way. Sometimes, Miracle would wake him in the middle of the night, worried about his distressed owner.

Damn that hairball, with his puppy dog eyes and concerned whining.

Why wasn’t he here? He must have died many years ago now. Maybe he was in doggy Heaven or with a previous owner. Maybe he would show up some day. That would be nice.

Or maybe Dean didn’t need him anymore. Miracle had been a reminder of the good in the world. That good things still happened. That even though most people were a little messed up, there was still pure beings on the globe. He had been a comfort in the night. A silent sounding board that Dean bounced his thoughts off when he couldn’t sleep. He was never a guy for therapy, but that damn dog had him talking for hours, turning his nightmares and feelings over like a teenage girl.

And he had been all the better for it.

But now, he didn’t have nightmares. He still felt his old guilts and regrets, but they didn’t weigh on him in the same way that they had done when he was alive. He was accepting of them. At peace with his road through life, the good and the bad.

Dean laughed at himself as he stared at his bedroom ceiling. Who would have guessed that he would become a freaking dog person? A lot had profoundly changed over the last months of his life…

 _Change_.

Dean felt a nervous surge in his chest. Cas was back. Again. Somewhere close by. Did he know that Sam and Dean was here? Probably. Everyone seemed to know. But he hadn’t come by. Not yet at least. Maybe he wanted them to give them time and space to find their family first, get settled. Maybe the Angel finally learned a bit about personal space.

But Dean wanted to see him. So bad.

Cas’ death had shaken him to his core in every way possible. Dean had always been thick-headed, but he was ashamed that it took his best friend’s ultimate sacrifice to finally make him listen to what the Angel said. Though it was the first time that Cas had told him that he loved him, the Angel had often told Dean how good and righteous he was. Dean might have soaked it in for a tenth of a second before remembering every wrongdoing he had ever done and disregarded it with a laugh or sarcastic remark. But he couldn’t do that now, not this time. Instead, he had honoured Cas’ words and done his best to live up to them. Be the man that the Angel had always believed in, and apparently, loved.

That part, Dean had found it hard to wrap his head around. He had never considered it. That Cas could love him. Like that. Cas was a freaking Angel of the Lord. Sure, Dean had had that fling with Anna, but she was still human at that point. This was Cas. His best friend, his non-blood brother, his… His Jiminy Cricket, always nudging him in the right direction. The Angel on his shoulder. Oh, the irony.

Dean’s musings were interrupted by the walking mountain he called his brother, bursting through his bedroom door. “Get up, sleeping beauty. We are going to see Ellen and Jo.”

Sweeter words had rarely been spoken, and Dean was out of bed faster than ever before.

-.-.-.-

It was amazing to see them again. Of course they lived in the Roadhouse, looking just like it had before it was burned down.

It was the first time they met Jo’s dad. Dean had exchanged nervous glances with Sam when their dad greeted him, but they had apparently forgiven past missteps. William Harvelle was a good man, and clearly loved his family more than anything. He ruffled Jo’s hair despite her protests and kissed Ellen’s cheek whenever he saw an opening.

Dean finally had the possibility to thank the two huntresses for their sacrifice. In return he received a fond; “Oh, shut it boy and drink your beer.”

They were later joined by Ash when he finally crawled out of his hole. And later Bobby, Rufus, Charlie, Jody and Donna and many other familiar faces showed up. At first, he had been surprised to see Jody and Donna. But then he remembered that just like Sam, they had lived a lifetime. Dean felt sad that he had missed all this time with their friends. But they were here, they were together, and everyone was happy. That was all that mattered.

It was the party of a lifetime. Or, deathtime? Was that a thing?

It was odd. Death had always been an unwanted, devastating life event. But now, it almost seemed better than living. They knew that the people they missed would one day join them, that they would see them again, removing the threat of an eternal goodbye. Of course, the living didn’t know. For them, death was still pure misery.

-.-.-.-

Things calmed down after the big reunion party. Dad took Sam and him fishing. They all went hunting for non-monsters, like civilians. They visited old friends. He and dad took long drives in Baby, just for the enjoyment of the trip. They would tinker with the engine late into the night. Sam and he would sit out at night watching the stars, sharing a beer. They had family dinners.

Sometimes, old familiar faces would pop up. Jesse Cuevas came by, telling them about a long happy life with Cesar. Donatello made a surprise visit, soul restored, probably a little gift from Jack. Even the pain-in-the-ass Ghostfacers visited, and it was not too bad to see them again. It seemed like people were coming from far and wide to greet them. Dean started to realise just how many lives they had touched.

More days past with dinners, visiting hunters, nights at the Roadhouse, days just spent in the sun.

With all the reruns of hunters they had met in the past, Dean only had time for fleeting thoughts of Cas. He kept expecting him to pop up, but he never did. Maybe he wasn’t allowed. But Dean found it hard to believe that Jack would keep him from visiting. Maybe he was just busy. They had just remodelled Heaven, after all.

Slowly, they had more days just to themselves. He actually had time to read books now. Old westerns were surprisingly good on paper as well.

He started debating whether or not to pray. It had seemed easier when he thought the Angel was dead. More painful, but easier. To speak into the emptiness, quite literally. Even though his time after the Angel’s sacrifice had been fairly short, it had been plenty of time to think over his dying words again, again, again and again. And plenty of time to come up with hundreds of could-have-should-have-would-have-saids. He still felt confused, and maybe a talk with the Angel would help. Maybe it wouldn’t.

But he always came back to the nagging ‘what if’.

If Cas had told him earlier, or in a non-life-or-dead situation, what would he have done? Probably laughed it off to begin with. He would have pushed Cas away, been an undesirable ass. Before Cas’ sacrifice, he would probably not have been able to accept anyone’s love. He had long given up on that. But now? He could still not make himself say that he was actually worthy of this kind of love, or any kind really. But he could admit that he wanted it. And looking back, he could see how happy he had been with Cas. But was it enough? It was hard feeling in love when he had not been open to it at the time when he had the chance.

If Dean didn’t know any better, he might say that he was getting restless. But you didn’t get restless in Heaven. Right? But it was becoming clear that he needed to see Cas.

One day, he left their house early and drove to one of the nearby hills. Far away from any homes, looking out over the curvy landscape decorated in lush nature. Dean lifted his face to the sunny sky and closed his eyes. “Hey Cas. I’m pretty sure you know I’m here. But in case you’ve forgotten about me, it’s Dean Winchester. You know, that pain-in-the-ass-hunter you helped save Earth? Yeah, good times… Well, I’ve heard you’re back. You’re probably busy, but… Please Cas. I need to see you.”


	3. I Hear You Night After Night Calling Out My Name, And I Find Myself Running to Meet You

Okay. If he had to be honest with himself, he had been avoiding Dean. A little.

He stood fully by his words and his feelings remained the same. But there had been something safe in knowing that he could profess his love without receiving an answer. In giving without waiting to receive. Being, not having – nor losing.

Since Jack brought him back, he had been busy with assisting in recreating Heaven in his son’s image. He had helped reassuring the other Angels that their new God and the New Heaven was for the better. The Angels recognised Jack’s power, but he was – or used to be – a Nephilim. And son of Lucifer.

Jack, kind-hearted as he was, had refused to force the Angels to do anything. They were free to leave if they chose to. But he had kindly asked them to stay and assist in his work. He truly was good and just, as God should be, and the Angels responded well to that. Eventually, all Angels joined them.

When Jack had started creating more new Angels, they had been ecstatic to welcome their new brothers and sisters. However, Jack had created them in the spirit of his fathers, giving them free will. This created some friction between the old and the new. But the new Angels were as kind as their creator, soon gaining accept by the old Angels.

It had all taken so much work and diplomacy that Castiel had not yet truly considered that he would one day have to face Dean again. Dean was going to live a long, happy life. He had plenty of time to not worry.

But Dean, once again, defied all plans and arrived much too soon in Heaven.

Castiel had felt a mixture of sadness and excitement when he felt Dean’s soul enter the realm. His hunter was here, was safe, and he could see him again. He hoped that the New Heaven would please him. It was, after all, free will and family that had been the inspiration for the changes they had made. The things that Dean had fought for all of his life.

He considered going to him immediately but found it better to give Dean some time to adjust, to reunite with Sam. Leaving his little brother too early was the greatest regret Dean felt in his death. In Heaven, time would move quickly for him, to assure him that everyone was alright and give him what he needed to be at peace. Time did not move as quickly for Castiel, but he was comforted by Dean’s contentment from driving through the time leap, almost with childish glee.

Then, he went to meet his family and friends. And it just never felt right to barge in on his happiness.

But then, he heard Dean pray to him. It was not unexpected, but Castiel had assumed that Dean would have wanted more time with everyone else before calling him. Yet, he was a bit relieved that Dean actively sought him out.

“… _in case you’ve forgotten about me, its Dean Winchester. You know, that pain-in-the-ass-hunter you helped save Earth?_ ”

Castiel smiled. As if he could forget. He recognised the special mixture of humour and insecurity in the words that very much characterised Dean.

“… _but… Please Cas. I need to see you..._ ”

As if Castiel could deny him.


	4. TV Told Me It Was Like the Movies, But It Never Was

Dean was about to add a ‘roger over’ to his prayer in the hopes of provoking a response from the Angel. Or maybe the Angel would react better to an ‘amen’.

Then, a flutter of wings, a blink of an eye, and Castiel stood before him.

Of all things, the first thing Dean’s mind registered was ‘ _Still wearing that damn trench coat’_. He was almost disappointed that the Angel for once had chosen to appear right in front of him. A hand on his shoulder, just like old times, would have been a nice touch.

Dean smiled, and Castiel’s heart swooped. It was so warm compared to the broken look he had last seen on the hunter’s face, and much more beautiful than any of his memories had recalled. They had been apart for a short amount of time compared to the Angel’s lifespan, but it felt like forever.

“Hey Cas.” Dean’s voice was thick with emotion.

“Dean.” If Castiel did not already possess the ability to fly, he was sure the familiarity of these three words would have granted him the gift of flight. He allowed himself to absorb the view that was Dean glowing in the sun before sighing. “I do not know whether or not to say that I am happy to see you. I guess the correct phrase would be; ‘I am happy to see you, though I wish it were under different circumstances’.”

Dean huffed a laugh. So typical of Cas to care about protocols in this situation. He studied the Angel. He looked better, no longer battle worn. He looked relaxed. Happy.

Dean never thought he would see that again. He felt his façade cracking. The memory of Cas’ death suddenly tainted his eyes and his smile. In three quick strides he drew the Angel in for a tight hug. Tears whelmed up in his eyes as he breathed out; “I missed you, Cas. I’m so happy you’re okay.”

Castiel immediately responded to the hug, recognising the look on the hunter’s face even before he took his first step. He had longed to hug the hunter as well, but considering how they left off, he had restrained himself. He let go of a breath he did not know that he had been holding, drawing in a new fresh breath filled with the scent of Dean. “I missed you too.”

Dean held on even tighter, willing the tears not to fall at the sound of Castiel’s voice right next to his ear. Everything was good. Cas was alive. _Alive_. And Dean wasn’t. So, basically, they had eternity to be together now.

It took a long while before Dean pulled back. He kept the Angel at arm’s length, hands still holding on to his shoulders. Things were getting awkward. Words were getting stuck in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak, just to shut it again when what he was about to say didn’t feel adequate.

Castiel sensed the rise of panic in Dean. He clapped Dean’s hand on one of his shoulders, practically tapping him out. With a knowing smile he said; “Let’s take a walk.”

Dean welcomed the distraction. He shook his head as he fell into step next to Cas. He had this all planned out, so why was it so damn hard? If Jack ever granted him a next life, he would have to insist on becoming a poet or writer or just someone with basic communication skills. But they had time. Plenty of time.

“Tell me about your life. What happened after Jack left?” Castiel asked, consciously not saying ‘after _I_ left’.

Dean smiled. “Well, I guess it was short but sweet. Sammy and I stayed in the bunker. Not much changed on that front. Oh, except, I got a dog!”

Castiel frowned. “You don’t like dogs.”

“Yeah, but we found him right after…” Dean trailed off for a moment, clearing his throat. Castiel nodded in understanding. Dean still forced the words out. “Uhm… Right after you left, but before taking out Chuck. Seemed liked he had missed this one dog when deleting all living things on Earth. Turned out that he was just messing with us. Giving us one small glimmer of hope before taking it away right in front of us. But the furball came back together with everyone else, so we adopted him. Called him Miracle.”

Dean’s enthusiasm was contagious. Castiel smiled with him. He was happy that Dean had opened his heart for another living being that wasn’t his brother. The name alone spoke of the hope and optimism the dog had represented for Dean, that Dean had allowed himself to feel.

Dean continued. “We went on a few small hunts. Guess we couldn’t just quit from one day to the other. But things seemed to slow down when Jack took over. We had whole days as civilians, like - Oh! Oh-oh-oh-oh! Dude!” Dean put a hand on Castiel’s arm, stopping to face the Angel, eyes even brighter than when talking about Miracle. “We went to a pie festival!”

Castiel laughed heartedly as Dean in detail told him about the day at the festival. He could hear that it was not just about the pie – though Dean in detail rated each tasting he had had – but had been a step towards normalcy. Civilian life, as Dean called it. Doing something normal together as brothers. A day without monsters and worries.

“Yeah, that was amazing.” Dean ended dreamingly. He realised that they had started walking again.

“It sounds like a very good day.” Castiel agreed with a smile.

The silence that followed spoke volumes. Castiel felt his heart sink. Was that it? Was that all that Dean had gotten to experience after all his sacrifices? It was much too short, even shorter than he had realised. Dean should not have gone to only one pie festival in his life, but a hundred. He should not only have had days as a civilian, but many years. He should have met someone, settled down, gone fishing, had a normal job, maybe had children…

“Went on one last hunt, and that was it.” Dean finished quickly, voice lower than during his happy tales just moments before.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I wished for so much more for you.” Castiel answered solemnly.

“Don’t, Cas.” Dean answered with a small smile. When Cas was about to argue, Dean cut him off. “How much do you know about what happened with me and Sammy before Angels walked the Earth?”

“I am fully familiar with you and your brother’s achievements from your Gospel.” Castiel frowned at the question.

“Right.” Dean cringed at the mentioning of those awful books. “So you know about Ford City? Faith healer who actually healed people, but it turned out his wife had a reaper on a leash?”

“Yes. Roy Le Grange was a good man. He genuinely believed he was doing God’s work. But I fail to see the relevance.” Castiel frowned even deeper at the grass he was slowly stepping over.

“I should have died back then.” Dean stated matter-of-factly. Castiel whipped his head around, about to disagree, but Dean continued. “It was the first time I was given a death sentence. First time I cheated Death. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during one of Roy’s sessions, so he picked me, healed me. It was my first day there. Other people had waited for weeks. They deserved it so much more than me. There was this girl with a brain tumour. I don’t even know if she made it, found another cure. We stopped the preacher’s wife before she was healed. I almost didn’t do it, but… Someone else was going to die if we didn’t stop the healing. This girl actually believed in God. I was just running my stupid mouth.”

“Dean... Who lives and who dies was not for you to decide, nor the preacher’s wife. You did the right thing and restored order.” Castiel hurt at the guilt that is visibly weighed on Dean.

“My point is…” Dean ignored Castiel’s comforting words. “I should have died back then. I got… 15 more years before Death caught up to me. Or at least, before death became permanent. Got 15 more years with my brother, saving the world. We stopped Yellow Eyes. I went to hell and back. Met actual, freaking Angels.” Dean lightly shoved Castiel with his elbow, eliciting a smile from the Angel. “Even made friends with one. Stopped the apocalypse. Leviathan. The Darkness. I got to see mom again. Met God. Killed God. Killed Hitler!” Dean laughed before sincerely adding. “I can barely keep track of those 15 years, so much happened. So, who am I to complain, huh? I did good.”

“Yes, you did.” Castiel agreed. “You did more than anyone could have ever asked of you. Asked of anyone. You carried the world on your shoulders, and still kept going.”

Dean nodded to acknowledge that he has heard Cas. Every time the Angel praised him, he felt a comforting heat in his stomach, telling him that things were alright. That _he_ was alright. He felt it, but he rarely accepted it, shoving it away as quickly as it came. But since Castiel was taken by the Empty, all his words had been resonating in Dean. Not replacing his guilt and anger but giving him something else to focus on, showing him that a coin has two sides. He is a killer, but also a protector. Angry, but passionate. Rough, but caring.

He never forgot. He always carried Cas with him, doing everything to live up to his words. Be the good side of the coin.

“I prayed to you.” The words suddenly fell from his lips. He knew that Castiel would understand him _. I never forgot about you._

Castiel smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t hear you. Prayers do not reach the Empty, and Jack has decided to be less hands-on, including shutting down communication between Heaven and Earth. For now, at least.”

“Yeah, he told us.” Dean grumbled. He couldn’t be angry with Jack for actually granting them free will. But damnit, he could have let them know that Cas was alright. Have let them talk to him.

“But I am glad that you still felt that you could confide in me.” Castiel smiled.

Dean swallowed. “Always, Cas. You’re…” He cut himself off. This was the part where he almost fell into old habits. _You’re my best friend. You’re family. You’re like a brother to me_.

This was it. They both knew. The opening to have _the talk_.

Dean stopped walking. Castiel stopped a step later, looking back at the hunter. “Cas…” Dean was fiddling nervously with his hands, looking up at Castiel for short moments before looking down, just to chastise himself for not looking straight at the Angel, then look back up.

“Dean. You don’t have to say anything if it makes you uncomfortable. Just know that I meant every word and do not expect anything in return. My… My love is mine to give, and it does not depend on reciprocation.” The words were slightly rehearsed but no less sincere.

“No. I know. Cas, I know. But I want to say something. I just don’t know how to say it. Words are not my thing, and this is all a bit complicated.”

Castiel wanted to step forward to offer comfort but he felt that the hunter needed the distance. So instead, he smiled and looked out at the horizon, the blue sky over dark green treetops. He didn’t know what to expect. For once, he found it hard to decipher Dean, all emotion masked by nerves. “Whatever you have to say, I will appreciate your honesty.”

Dean nodded, pulling himself together. He stood straighter, preparing himself to try to deliver the words he had been turning over in his head. “Okay. Just promise to hear me out.” Castiel nodded his promise. “When you told me that… That you loved me… I couldn’t say it back. Because it wouldn’t have been true. Not love in the sense you were looking for, anyway.”

Castiel lowered his head as he silently took in the words.

“But not for the reasons you think.” Castiel immediately looked back up again as the hunter continued. “I didn’t love you like that because of anything to do with you, Cas. It had nothing to do with you. I… I guess, I never thought about the possibility. Like, at all. I think… I kinda gave up on the whole love thing a long time ago. After Lisa, it just seemed like more of a burden than anything else. So I stopped looking. Stopped thinking about anyone like that.”

Tears had started forming in Dean’s eyes again, making it damn hard to focus on his words when he also had to hold back the waterworks. “And then you were gone. And I didn’t know what to think. I was angry with you. Why would you throw something at me like that? Tell me, and then just leave me? And I felt sorry for you. Sorry, that you decided to fall for an idiot like me. Sorry, that I couldn’t give you what you deserved. You deserved so much better. You were always there for me when I needed you. You deserved to have that too. I… I wished you could have been happy. Before the whole Empty thing. I just wanted you to be happy. As happy as you made me. And… And that’s when I realised… That maybe I wouldn’t have minded… If we had been more. Just because I never dared thinking it, doesn’t mean it couldn’t have been something. I… I just know… I was always better when you were there, Cas. You made me happy.”

Dean finally stopped. Cas couldn’t possibly make any sense of what he had just said. It didn’t even make sense to him.

“What are you saying?” Castiel asked, head tilted in confusion.

Dean laughed out loud, nerves releasing themselves from his chest. “I don’t know, Cas. That’s the whole point. I just know that I am a hell of a lot happier with you around. And that it is different to how Sam makes me happy. With Sam, I always have to be the big brother, always have to have my guards up. But with you, I just have to be me. You make me feel safe. No matter how bad I got, how angry, you were always there for me, pulling me back. Keeping me right. You changed me too, Cas. I tried to be better, for you.” Another shaky breath. “And I just took you for granted and I’m so sorry, Cas. You deserved so much better. You’ve always believed so much in me, and I just...”

Castiel could take it no longer. We closed the gap between them and hugged Dean tightly. Dean finally let go and sobbed into his shoulder.

“Cas… I’m not good at this. And I don’t want to hurt you. And I have no right to ask.” Dean’s voice was muffled by tears and the trench coat. “But if you can find it in yourself to give me a chance… I wasn’t ready before… But I think I am now.”

Castiel froze, arms still circled around Dean, body going rigid in disbelief. For a long moment, they just stood there. Dean almost had to pry Castiel’s arms open in order to pull back and look at the Angel. His eyes were still red, but he smiled at the Angel. “I know I’m asking a lot. So think about, ‘kay? I’m not going anywhere, anyway.” Dean tried to laugh at that, but he couldn’t get it out. The Angel still stood completely still.

Castiel just looked at the hunter. It couldn’t be real. But it was. He could see it clearly in Dean’s eyes. Love. Dean might not have been in love with him before, had not been open to the notion. And maybe he felt guilt due to Castiel’s sacrifice, making him take this leap a bit desperately. But he could sense the change in Dean. His heartfelt wish to explore his feelings for Castiel. But Dean was scared. He feared what would happen if it didn’t work out. If he ended up hurting Castiel. His previous relationships had all ended in resentment. But Castiel could never hate him. And Castiel desperately wanted this and was willing to take the risk. He didn’t know what tomorrow might bring, but right now, right here, it was just them.

Then a sudden thought hit Dean, and he pulled back a bit. “Unless it’s like illegal or something, I mean, you’re an Angel and I’m… dead. Is there like a rule against stuff like that?”

Castiel huffed out a laughter that turned into a deep chuckle. It was just like Dean to make a long, rambling declaration and _then_ consider if it was even possible. Action before thinking. Castiel managed to answer; “No, there is no rule against it. Mainly because it has never been an issue before.”

Dean grinned. “So, we make the rules. I like that.”

Castiel sobered and looked thoughtfully at the hunter. “I appreciate your words, Dean. Truly. I could tell when you told me about Miracle that you have opened yourself up to love and kindness in a way I have not seen before-“

“And that’s all thanks to you.” Dean interrupted seriously.

Castiel smiled before continuing. “However, this is still different from adopting a dog. Though I am indifferent to notions such as gender and sexuality, you have displayed clear preferences in the past.”

The question did not have to be said out loud. Dean nodded. “I know. And yeah, I have given that a lot of thought. You being a man – or possessing a male vessel or whatever – has probably played a factor in me not thinking about you in this way before. But I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter. You are you, and that’s all that matters to me. You are the important part, the thing that makes me happy, not your ‘visage’. Sure, there might be a bit of… adaption…” Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively, making Castiel blush at the thought. “But I’m pretty confident that we can figure it out. If… that’s something you would want.”

“Yes.” Castiel answered, not meeting Dean’s eye. It was not like he was completely inexperienced anymore, but for some reason this felt different than with April. It felt important. He quickly added; “If you-“

“Yeah, Cas. I think I would like that.” Dean swallowed nervously. “But I don’t want to rush this. It is still a little new for me, so can we take small steps? I mean… if you… if you actually want to-”

“Yes, Dean. I very much want to be with you.” Castiel answered with a small smile. “And I agree to the small steps.”

For ten long seconds, they just stood looking at each other, a red tinge to both their faces. Castiel had never dared to think of Dean _like that_. Well, that was not true, but he had never dared to dream that it might actually come true.

Dean on the other hand was surprisingly nervous about the fact that he had just talked about maybe, one day, to have sex with _an Angel_. Though Angels were not the fluffy creatures he had once imagined, they still represented something pure and good that Dean felt unworthy of. Especially Cas. He quickly broke the awkward silence. “Damn, I feel like a freaking teenager again.”

Both men huffed nervous laughter.

“So, Castiel…” Castiel squinted nervously at the full use of his name. Dean looked almost shy. “Would you mind… if I kissed you?”

Castiel sucked in a breath, and unable to articulate a simple yes, just nodded his head. Dean stepped a bit closer, their bodies just short of touching, and lowered his head towards Castiel’s. Castiel instinctively lifted his chin to meet the hunter halfway.

When their lips met, they both hesitated for a moment, just touching lightly. It felt surreal. And yet it felt as if it had been a long time coming. And it felt right.

They started moving against each other. It was chaste and innocent. Just like those early teenage years. Dean felt the same butterflies filling his abdomen, that tingle of excitement. He had feared that it would feel different, wrong even, that he had fooled himself into believing that he could embrace this. But his fears dissipated, and instead he had to force himself to hold back, to take it slow. Sure, the sensation was different to kissing a woman, but the feelings it elicited were just the same. The meaning behind the action even more powerful because this was Cas.

Castiel was ready to hand in his wings. This made him feel weightless in a way that flight never had. He had been told of the difference between casual hook-ups and love, but he didn’t truly understand the difference until now. Sex with April had been genuinely nice, but he would give it up in a heartbeat for just a second of this. Dean was clearly skilled and attentive, and he already yearned for more.

Dean pulled back, stopping himself. He smiled a bit shyly, clearing his throat. They stood a bit awkwardly, bodies still separated by just an inch. Before Dean could say anything, Castiel lifted a hand and caressed the hunter’s cheek, running his thumb over the defined cheek bone. “I love you.”

Dean smiled. Maybe he could not yet make a big declaration of love as Cas had, but the words were no less true. “Love you too, Cas.”


	5. It’s Kinda Hard to Talk Right Now

Castiel felt a surge of nervousness when Jack called him. His timing had been less than desirable. He was just about to repeat the much desirable kissing with Dean when Jack’s voice had kindly requested his presence.

Did Jack know what they had been doing? It was not illegal or wrong. And yet, Castiel could not deny this uncomfortable feeling of being caught by his son during such an intimate moment. Was it normal to feel like that?

Dean had frozen when Castiel had gone rigid in his motion towards kissing the hunter again. He clearly fearing that he had done something wrong, that Castiel regretted what they had just been doing. Castiel had almost twisted his tongue in his hurry to explain what was actually going on. “Dean. It’s Jack. He’s calling for me.”

Dean immediately relaxed and laughed. “Great timing, kid.” He took a step back, giving Castiel room to leave. “It’s okay. Go help the kid. Maybe bring him around for dinner some time, ‘kay? Mom would be thrilled to see you.”

“I would like that.” Castiel smiled. He almost spread his wings and left. But he didn’t have to leave like that anymore. He could leave… differently. So he stepped forward, and unlike before, he grabbed Dean’s upper arms and drew him close, their bodies touching as he placed another chaste kiss to Dean’s lips. The hunter smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist.

Oh. That was different from before. Better. Dean’s hands were warm and almost felt… tingling, even through the layers of clothes.

It took much greater effort to pull back this time. Dean just grinned, clearly seeing slightly Castiel’s dazed state. “Hey, I’ll see you around, alright? You know where to find me. Go, take care of Heaven.”

Castiel couldn’t hide his own smile, and quickly took off. No goodbye this time. Just a silent promise to return.

-.-.-.-

Human Heaven was not the only thing that had changed. The throne room was no longer a throne room, and it was no longer a serene, cold white. It was now a circle of comfortable chairs, a warm, round wooden table in the middle. The walls were filled with bookshelves with old volumes of classical literature.

It was clear where Jack had gotten his inspiration from.

The size of the table and the number of chairs seemed to adjust to the number of beings gathered around it. Now, it was only a small table with two chairs placed next to each other.

“Castiel.” Jack greeted with a smile. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course, Jack.” Castiel took a seat next to the deity and turned his body towards him.

Jack looked at him and tilted his head and then stated with a curious frown. “You are happy.”

Castiel fought back the blush that wanted to creep in on him. “Yes. I am. Haven’t I been? Since you brought me back?”

“Yes.” Jack squinted his eyes in thought. “But this is different. It is… happy-happy. Not just happy.”

Castiel lowered his head, smiling at his lap. Jack might be God, but in some areas, he was still very inexperienced. He could identify the small differences in people’s emotions but did not know all the labels. Castiel fully understood why he found it difficult. Afterall, it had taken him almost 12 years to understand the difference between the affection he felt for Dean versus Sam. “Well, uhm... I just met with Dean.” There, no need to elaborate.

Jack’s face lit up. “Oh! How is he? And Sam?”

Castiel realised he had not even asked about Sam, too caught up in talking to Dean about his life and… other things. “Dean seemed very well. I believe Sam is happy too. Dean invited us over for dinner.”

“Good idea.” Jack smiled. “It would be great to see them again, and Mary.”

Jack had sought out Mary’s soul after remodelling Heaven, bringing her the peace she deserved together with her husband. He had asked for Mary’s forgiveness, and he had received it in a warm hug. It had warmed Castiel’s heart that even as God, Jack cared about the forgiveness of one single human. It was beautiful and spoke volumes of his character.

“It should probably not become a habit, God and his Angels going for dinners with the inhabitants of Heaven.” Jack mused. “But I think we can make an exception for the Winchesters.”

“Yes, they always seem to be the exception that proves the rule.” Castiel smiled. He then remembered that he had been interrupted quite unexpectedly - an unwantedly – so he changed the subject. “Why did you call me?”

Jack’s face fell and he avoided meeting Castiel’s eyes.

Castiel knew what it was about, and his heart sank with it.


	6. Another Night Settles in as Quickly as It Goes

Dean drove back to the house. This had gone better than expected. For all the nerves he had been fighting with, he now felt lighter than ever. He felt giddy. Freaking giddy, like a high school girl.

He had to get his shit together before facing Sam.

He walked into the house to find his mom preparing dinner. He was greeted by a hug. Their hugs were a bit too long, a bit too tight. There was still an air of desperation in the affectionate act. It was partly fuelled by losing his mother twice, and a life of longing for something so simple as a hug from his mother.

“Where did you go this morning?” She asked.

Dean swallowed for a moment, reining himself in. He wanted to scream it to the world, but he was still nervous, if this thing with Cas would work out. Luck was rarely on his side. “I went to see Cas.”

Mary smiled fondly. “Why didn’t you tell us? We would have loved to see him too, you know?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure he would show.” Dean admitted shyly.

“Of course he would. He always does.”

Mary would never know how fuzzy those words made her son feel at that moment. Dean quickly answered; “I invited him and Jack to come by for dinner some time.”

“Oh, that would be great.” Mary smiled.

Dean looked into the pot at the stove. It smelled amazing. Yet another Heaven miracle; his mother’s cooking was edible now. “You don’t actually have to cook, do you?” He pondered.

“No. But I like it.” Mary smiled and absently stirred the food. “You know, this is what I wanted. The life I wanted with John and our kids. It makes me happy to finally live that dream.”

They smiled at each other. Dean cleared his throat. He had never really had a heart-to-heart with his mom. Not like this. This whole thing really had a teenage vibe. ‘Hey mom, there’s this guy in school…’

In that moment, the front door swung open and an exciting yell called out for them.

“In here, Sammy.” Dean called back.

“Mom. Dean.” Sam walked into the kitchen, a big smile on his face. Before Dean could ask what was up, Sam took a step forward, guiding someone from behind him to stand in front of him.

“Hello Dean.”

“Eileen!” Dean walked over to hug the huntress. It was always a bittersweet moment when new faces appeared. He stood back, so Eileen could read his lips “Good to see you. Sam’s been telling me all about your years together.”

Eileen looked fondly up at Sam. “Hopefully not all the details.”

Dean grinned as Sam turned beet red. The tall hunter quickly avoided his brother by instead focusing on the other woman in the room. “Mom. I don’t think you ever met Eileen.”

“No, I didn’t have the pleasure.” Mary greeted Eileen with a hug. “Welcome. I don’t know if you have other family to go see, but please stay the night. You have to meet Sam’s father too.”

“I’d love to. I’m going to go see my parents, but…” Eileen looked nervously up at Sam.

“Of course you can stay here. You are family.” Mary quickly answered the unsaid question, smiling even more brightly.

Sam leaned down and kissed his wife. They didn’t know for how long Eileen had been without Sam, but judging from the kiss, it had been a while.

“Oh God, do we have to soundproof your room now?” Dean barely ducked the tea cosy that Sam deftly aimed at his head.

-.-.-.-

Eileen was greeted into the hunter family with yet another party at the Roadhouse. Everyone was happy to meet her, and to remind Sam of just how lucky he had been to marry a woman like her.

Dean was happy for Sam. Really.

But seeing him and Eileen together like this, not only in love, but with a lifetime of history, he felt a strange pang. He wished that he could have had it.

He tried to envision it. Suburbs and lawnmowing and a nine-to-five job. He could imagine it, and yet he was unsure if you could have found peace in it, knowing that monsters were still out there. He couldn’t find that peace when living with Lisa. He tried, but a clatter in a dark alley, and he went into the darkness, gun raised.

He would have needed someone who actually understood him. Someone… A soldier, like him.

He smiled as he thought of Cas. Of course. It seemed so obvious now. Cas would get it. Cas would be right there, next to him in the dark. And force him to eat and sleep properly. Make him stay in bed in the morning… Alright, this was not the place for this.


	7. Leave No Stone Unturned, Leave Your Fears Behind

It took almost a week before Dean was alone with Sam again. It was not a bad thing, Eileen and he had plenty to catch up on and they had gone to see Eileen’s parents. They had started talking about getting their own place. It was probably a good idea. Maybe Dean should find his own place as well. They were not kids anymore, and living home with their parents for the rest of eternity did have a wrong ring to it. But no one was in a rush. Right now the safety and love of being surrounded by family was more important than independence.

He didn’t see Cas during this time. He felt a little disappointed. Okay, very disappointed, but he didn’t dare to call on the Angel again. He must be busy, running Heaven and all.

It also gave him a bit of time to contemplate. What was he actually going to tell his family? Not that he thought that they would mind, but he couldn’t fight this fear that maybe it wouldn’t work, maybe Cas would change his mind. Dean was not exactly boyfriend material. He was not overly affectionate or good at expressing his feelings. But Cas knew that, right? He knew what he was getting into. It would be alright…

“Hey.” Sam unexpectedly dropped down next to him. Dean had been sitting on a log of tree, staring into the wilderness surrounding their house. Sam eyed him with a frown. “You okay?”

God, even in Heaven he couldn’t avoid that question.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just thinking about something.” Dean avoided eye contact.

“Something…?” Sam prompted, bending forward on the log, trying to catch Dean’s eye.

Dean cleared his throat and wetted his lips. “Uhm… I saw Cas a few days ago.”

Sam’s face lit up with a smile. “Yeah? That’s great! How is he? And Jack?”

“Good. He’s good. Jack wasn’t there, but he sounded okay too.” Not that Dean had really asked, being pretty occupied with other things. But of course the kid was alright.

“Great. That’s great.” Sam nudged his brother in the side, continuing with light accusation. “Why didn’t you bring me? I would have loved to see him. Or bring him here, so we all could see him again?”

Dean laughed a little half-heartedly at Sam’s playing tone. Despite technically being an old man, his brother had acted more like his younger self since arriving in Heaven; Playful and smiling. Carefree. He could share this with Sam. He should. Again, it was just this little problem called _words_. “Well, uh… I had something I wanted to talk to him about… alone.”

“Again, with the ‘somethings’. Come on, Dean, what is it?” Another nudge. Carefree Sam was a really annoying little brother.

“I told you… about what he said to me. Before the Empty took him.” Dean started. Sam became solemn and finally sat still in his seat. “Since then, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. What he said. How I felt about it. How I… felt about him.”

Sam took in a breath, like he always did when Dean was opening up. It was usually both difficult to hear what his brother had to say, and hard to watch him struggle through it. Though they had always been close, Dean had never allowed himself to be Sam’s equal. He was always the protector, standing strong and alert around the pedestal that he had put Sam on. Dean didn’t continue on his own, but he had a small smile on his face. “So… how do you feel?”

“I, er… I love him… And we, er…” The smile on Dean’s face was accompanied by a pink tint to his cheeks.

Sam huffed out the breath he had been holding as his own smile broke free. He put his arm around Dean’s shoulders, reassuring and grounding. “Dean. This is a good thing. A really, really good thing.”

“Yeah… It’s just… We don’t know how it’ll be go or-”

“Alright, I’m going to stop you right there.” Sam retreated his comforting arm and replaced it with a pointed finger that he used to emphasise his statements. “You two have been to hell and back, like, literally. You have hurt each other, not always seen eye to eye. But no matter what, you always forgive each other. I have never seen you care for anyone like you do for Cas. This development between you doesn’t even surprise me, because, seriously… No one has ever understood each other like you do. Not to talk about all the staring and silent communication that went on between you all the damn time.”

At that last statement, Dean finally looked up at him. “That’s not… We didn’t…”

“Dude, I was there. You did.” Sam looked exasperated. Dean yielded, looking away again. “So, what now?”

Dean huffed out a laugh. “I don’t know. Jack called, so Cas left. I invited them both to come by, but.... I haven’t heard anything.”

“And you are too stupid to pray to him because you are already panicking.” Damnit, did Sam have to be so insightful?

“Hey, he’s running Heaven. Not just any day job, you know.” Dean grasped for straws.

“Maybe not. But you’re still disappointed. And I get that. You just got together and then he’s just gone.”

“We decided to take it slow…” Dean tried to defend his… what, exactly? Did they have titles now? Did they want titles? Need them?

“Just call him, okay? You said you invited them for dinner, so ask if they want to come by.”

Dean was about to argue, but one look at Sam told him that he would not let this go. “Fine.”

Dean looked at Sam, expecting him to go away, give him some space, but his idiot kid brother stayed where he was. Instead, Dean stood and walked away a few paces, scowling back at his brother to make sure he stayed sitting on the log. Then he nervously wetted his lips. “Hey… Cas. Uhm, I know you’re probably busy, but, er… We talked about you and Jack coming by for dinner, and if you are still up for it, you could come by around seven-ish?…” Dean waited a second, holding his breath for an answer. Then he added; “Cas, no matter what, just give me a sign that you’re okay. That _we_ are okay… Please?”

Dean turned around, looking for a beige trench coat. Sam saw the disappointed on his brother’s face when no Angel popped in. Dean walked away before Sam could say anything.


	8. Walls are Built to Keep Us Safe, Until They’re Crashing Down

The Winchesters were about to sit down for dinner when there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Sam was closest to the door. First, they just heard Sam’s steps towards the door, then a loud, happy exclamation.

The remaining Winchesters looked at each other. It was not uncommon for other hunters or old friends to stop by, but it was normally for a beer after dinner time.

Sam soon strode into the dining room, all smiles and a bounce in his step. “Look what the cat dragged in!”

Walking in behind him came Jack and Castiel. Dean’s heart almost leapt out of his chest. For a moment, he was about to be angry at the Angel for the lack of responds to his prayer earlier or any form of communication from his part. But every time these feelings stirred in him, an echo from the past pushed them away. _I know how you see yourself…_

But damnit, he just shows up like this!?

Before Dean could collect his thoughts on the matter, he had his arms full of… God. Well, there’s a sentence you don’t hear yourself think every day.

Dean returned the hug. “Hey kid.”

“I’m so happy to see you.” Jack refused to let go, even though Dean tried to tap him out multiple times. Not until Mary walked forward, did the Deity change his focus and hugged her instead.

In the meantime, Castiel had hugged Mary and Eileen, and greeted John Winchester. Dean and Sam had told their father about both Castiel and Jack, but John was still eyeing Jack sceptically. It probably wasn’t easy to imagine the scrawny looking kid as God Almighty. Sam was trying to convince him, and judging by the disbelieving look on his father, Dean guessed that it was going as well as it could.

That left Castiel and Dean looking at each other. For all the times that Dean had imagined hugging the Angel again, they were now just staring awkwardly at each other. Dean finally grabbed Castiel’s arm and dragged him a bit away from the crowd, who were luckily kept occupied by Jack’s enthusiasm from seeing everyone again.

Judging by Castiel’s tightening and untightening his fists, he didn’t know what to do in this situation either.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but… what are you doing here?” Dean asked carefully.

Castiel frowned. “You said seven.”

Dean first didn’t know what Cas was referring to, but then remembered his prayer earlier. _You could come by around seven-ish?_ He smirked at the typical angelic response. “Yeah, I did… I guess I just expected you to let me know if you’d be coming. Not just… pop in.”

Castiel looked guilty. “I’m sorry. I meant to come by sooner, but… There’s still much to be done in Heaven. We were not sure if we would be able to make it tonight. Everything is a bit… unpredictable.”

Now it was Dean’s time to frown. “Cas… Is something wrong?”

Castiel looked away, but before Dean could push for an answer, Mary’s voice cut through.

“Well, let’s get something to eat. I’m sure we can make do. We still have some leftovers we can add to the mix.” Mary was about to send her sons to the kitchen when Jack interrupted.

“Mary, I am certain that there will be more than enough food.” Jack said knowingly, smiling shyly. Of course. God’s table would never empty.

People started gathering around the table. Dean once again held back Cas. “We’ll talk about this later okay?”

Castiel didn’t answer.

“One other thing though.” Dean added, making the Angel look back up again. “Did you… tell Jack? I mean, it’s fine if you did. I’ve told Sam.”

Castiel actually blushed at this. “I have not told him yet. For some reason, having this conversation with Jack feels…”

“Embarrassing?” Dean supplied.

“Yes.” Castiel sounded frustrated.

Dean laughed. “Yeah, family has that effect on you.” When Castiel once again just frowned, Dean elaborated. “Talking about…. relationships and… sex…. can be difficult with family, because you don’t want to think of them like that or have them think about you like that… you know, romantically and… naked. I swear, when Sam was growing up, having ‘the talk’ was…”

Before Dean could continue, he was interrupted by that very same little brother that he all those years had ago stuttered some half-bad sex advice to. “Are you two coming or what?”

Castiel and Dean joined the table. They were seated next to each other, and judging by the sly look on Sam, it was by design. Opposite them sat Sam, Eileen and Jack, and Mary and John sat by each table end.

Castiel and Jack joined in the eating. They probably didn’t have to, but they eagerly dug in. Maybe Jack had changed their ability to taste and enjoy simple pleasures? Well, Jack had always enjoyed food. It would be just like him to share the experience with everyone else.

Conversation revolved around old times. They ignored all the bad and focused on the fun and the quirky. Like the rabbit foot, Sam and Dean’s trip to a mental hospital, the time fairy tales came to life and that time that a guy was killed by a freaking unicorn. The mood was warm and light, and the air filled with laughter.

When Dean started talking about the clowns, Sam cut him off. “Right, right, enough about that. How about you two…” He gestured at the celestial beings. “What have you been up to? How are things working with New Heaven?”

Jack happily started relayed about the changes they had made, most of which they were already aware of. He told them about creating new Angels, both from human souls and from scratch, how it was a complex process, but he had succeeded.

“And what about you, Cas?” Sam sat a bit restless in his seat. “I don’t know if I should ask, but… How are you even here? I mean, we’re stoked that you are, but…”

“I went and got him.” Jack answered. “I couldn’t leave my father locked up in there…”

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean thought he caught Cas squirming for a moment. It was probably nothing. He could ask about it later.

“Your father?” John asked, looking between the Angel and Jack. “An Angel is the father of… God?”

“Well, technically, yes, though my blood father is Lucifer. However, Castiel is the father that I chose. I have also considered your sons as my father figures and family.” Jack explained with a smile.

Dean and Sam just smiled at their father, who responded with a laugh. “My sons. Foster parents of God.”

The rest of the table joined in laughing at the incredible situation.

Sam recovered. “So, the Empty just let you go? Last time it was pretty angry with Cas leaving.”

Immediately, the mood seemed to change. Both Jack and Cas looked down at the table, smile and laughter gone.

“Well… No, it wasn’t.” Jack answered, looking like a kid who had just been caught breaking his mother’s favourite vase.

When he didn’t say anymore, Dean prompted; “Meaning?”

Jack opened his mouth to answer, but Castiel cut him off with a simple but firm; “Jack.”

But Jack wasn’t having it. “We should tell them, Castiel. They could help us.”

“It is not their fight!” Castiel growled in return.

“What? What is it?” Dean stared back and forth between the two before setting on Castiel. “Cas? What the hell is going on?”

Castiel put down the cutlery he had been holding, fork slightly bended where he had gripped it tightly. “Dean, please. This is none of your concern. You are here to be at peace, not to be caught up in Heaven’s affairs.”

Dean might have snapped back at this, but Castiel was pleading with him, both with voice and eyes, and it made the hunter respond in kind. “Cas. If anything is threatening you and Jack. I want to know.”

“ _We_ want to know.” Sam concurred, and the rest of the table nodded in agreement.

Jack once again took over. “As I said, the Empty was not particularly happy with me pulling Cas out. Again. At first, it tried to attack Heaven again. But we anticipated the attack and warded Heaven in the same manner as we have Earth, making it so that the Empty cannot enter. Adding the new Angels to the equation, Heaven stands much stronger than it did the last time the Empty attacked.” Jack swallowed before he continued. “But, then the Empty became… creative. It created what we call Empty Reapers.”

“Empty Reapers?” Dean parroted in disbelief.

“They are creatures able to enter between the Empty and Earth. We believe the Empty was inspired by the souls of the Reapers who rests within the Empty, creating its own beings in their image.” Castiel took over explaining. “Just as normal Reapers, they bring death to a soul and assists it into the beyond. But instead of sending the soul to Heaven, Hell or Purgatory, it sends them to the Empty.”

“How the hell did it do that?” Sam asked alarmed.

“The Empty existed before even God. It is connected to the primordial forces of creations.” Castiel looked smaller than a child, shoulders heavy with guilt. “The only reason that it hasn’t been active before, is probably because it has been left alone to sleep.”

“Why? Why is it doing it?” Dean felt a familiar anger rising.

“We don’t know for sure.” Castiel answered. “But as you know, souls are immensely powerful. Our theory is that it is either trying to weaken Heaven and Hell as punishment for my resurrection by taking the souls for itself, or it is trying to collect enough power to attack Heaven.”


	9. Would You be the Saviour of the Broken, the Beaten and the Damned

The table was quiet for a long moment, everyone looking at each other while avoiding direct eye contact with the others.

“But…” Sam broke the silence, looking pointedly at Jack next to him. “You’re God. Can’t you just… You know…”

“Remove the Empty Reapers from existence?” Jack supplied with a shy, nervous smile. “I’m afraid not. Though I have some limited abilities to affect the Empty, it is still a force much older and more powerful than me. I only have control of God’s creations, not the Empty’s. I guess the Empty and I are somewhat comparable to a human and an Angel. But in this scenario, I am the human.”

“So, you’re powerless against the Empty Reapers?” Eileen signed and asked, disbelief and fear edging her voice and sending a small tremor through her hands.

“Not exactly powerless.” Castiel answered in a voice that was most likely supposed to sound reassuring. “They can be fought, but we have yet to find a way to kill them. On top of that, we cannot see them unless they choose to make themselves known, just as normal Reapers, except these can also hide from Jack. The Empty probably designed them that way intentionally. We only detect them when they appear to fight our Reapers for the souls. Then, they have to make themselves corporal.”

“But, you’ve killed Reapers before. Normal Reapers, I mean.” Sam prodded.

“Yes, but the Seraphim were created from the energy of God. Our smiting abilities does not work on these Empty Reapers, neither does a normal angel blade.” Castiel explained, a spirit of inadequacy settling over him.

“So what? We’re just screwed?” Dean asked frustratedly.

“Well, maybe not…” Jack started carefully.

But Castiel cut him off, lights in the dining room flickering from the wrath beneath his short, simple words. “Jack. _No_.”

For a moment, a quiet battle raged between God and Angel, staring intensely at each other.

Dean was sure some telepathic domestic was going down right in front of them. “Alright, you two, break it up.” Dean tried a lighter tone, though it fell a bit flat. He focused on the Angel next to him. “Like I said, we want to know what’s going on. And if there’s anything we can do to help… Well, I don’t really know what we can do, being dead and all, but we can still help strategize, you know? This is not the first big bad we’ve faced.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Jack answered, a bit exasperated. He resembled a teenager who had been arguing with his father about whether or not he could go to a party, and Dean had just sided with him. ‘Oh, don’t worry, It’s just a party. Let the kid have some fun’. Dean could feel Castiel’s eyes drilling into the side of his skull and he forced himself to ignore it. Jack continued after a pointed look at his father. “We know of one other being besides God that is able to see the normal Reapers even in hiding. They might be able to see the Empty Reapers and may also be powerful enough to fight them.”

When Jack didn’t continue immediately, Dean barked. “What?”

“Archangels.” Sam answered, eyes filled with sudden realisation. “When Michael possessed Dean in Kansas City, he could see the Reaper even when Cas couldn’t. But… they are also creations of God. Why would they be able to see and fight the Empty Reapers when Jack can’t?”

“Since I started creating new Angels, I have contemplated creating Archangels as well, or maybe ‘upgrading’ some of the Seraphim. But I have not been able to… crack the code, you could say.” Jack frowned.

“Chuck once said that it would take time to resurrect and create new Archangels. And he had a bit more experience in the field than you do.” Sam contemplated.

“We think that it might be because the Archangels were created in the Empty. God’s first creations, shaped from the energy in the void. For the same reason, we think that the Archangels’ abilities could extent to creations of the Empty. They are made of the same energy. But we are no longer in the void. We don’t have access to the same building stones. After the Big Bang, God had plenty of new energy sources for the Seraphim and other Angels. But not the right sources for more Archangels.” Jack explained. “If I were to attempt to create a new Archangel or bring one back from the Empty, I would have to attempt to tap into the void. But as you can guess, the Empty is not really amendable right now.”

Another quiet break, but it was still filled with tension between Angel and Deity.

Dean looked at Castiel, who looked nervous and regretful, barely able to meet Dean’s eye. “Why do I sense a ‘but’ in there?”

“Because even though we cannot create a brand-new Archangel or bring back one of the original four Archangels, there might be a way to… remodel an Archangel.” Jack answered.

“Remodel?” Sam asked sceptically.

Castiel looked carefully at Sam. “Do you remember when I extracted Gadreel’s grace from you?” Sam nodded. As if he would ever forget. “In the same way, we believe that there might be leftover grace in the vessel of an Archangel.”

Castiel now turned his regretful eyes on Dean. He couldn’t say it out loud, but Dean immediately understood the meaning.

“But-. I-. It can’t-“ Dean stuttered before exclaiming. “I’m dead! I don’t have a body. So, nothing to extract anything from. Sam burned it. Right?”

The last question was aimed at Sam, a warning that he better have burned and salted Dean’s body instead of being sentimental about it like when Dean went to Hell. Sam quickly nodded. “Yes, I burned it!” The pain in Sam’s voice left no discussion.

“Recreating your body just as it was when you died will be the least of our problems.” Jack said meaningfully. “The real challenge will be if there is any leftover grace and if it can be multiplied to create enough to form an Archangel. And if there will be any of the primal cosmic energy left in the grace to even fight the Empty Reapers and the Empty. However, it should be possible since grace has great regenerative abilities.”

Dean stared at the table, avoiding all the eyes resting on him, waiting for his reaction. He finally gritted out; “Alright. Fine. Go get my body and extract this grace. All yours.” Problem solved, right?

Castiel sighed. “That won’t be enough, Dean. We would need your body, a vessel strong enough and created to contain the grace of the Archangel-“

“Fine. All yours.” Dean cut in, though really not being fine with his body walking about without him.

“ _And_.” Castiel added forcefully. “Since we would not be bringing Michael back, we would need a new driving force for the grace. Someone strong enough to wield the power of not just any Archangel, but the grace of Michael.”

Sam leant over the table towards Castiel, body and voice tense. “What are you saying?”

Castiel looked down on his plate. “Dean is Michael’s sword, and his vessel carries a little bit of Michael’s grace. Even though Angels don’t have a soul, we still have a… spirit, the thing that makes us who we are, even without our grace. Our personalities, our driving forces. There has to be, uhm… ‘someone behind the wheel’, as you might say.” Castiel swallowed before he continued. “If there should be any chance of this working, we would have to put Dean’s soul back in his body and have him wield the grace. He was created for it, after all.”

“So, you are saying that… I… would have to… become an Archangel?” Dean asked incredulously. When no one objected, he started laughing. It wasn’t funny. It was anything but funny. But he couldn’t help it. He laughed, almost hysterically, even when everyone else just looked at him worriedly.

When he could finally catch his breath, the severity of the situation hit him, and anger settled into its familiar place in his stomach. He turned it on the kid in front of him. “But you said no more interferences, Jack. You didn’t even tell us that Cas was back! That he was alright! And now you are talking about bringing me back to life? And turning me into a freaking Angel? How the hell is that hands off!?”

“It would only be temporary. And you would not be alive, exactly.” At Dean’s angry, confused look, Jack elaborated calmly. “It would be more like a possession. You would be possessing your old body, taking control of it and the generated grace.”

At that moment, everyone around the table seemed to erupt, as if their reactions had been delayed and finally caught up to them.

“-Jack, you can’t ask this of Dean-”

“-You are not even sure if this will work-“

“-What would happen if it doesn’t work-“

“-No, this is too much-“

“-Dean, I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have told you-“

John had been remarkably quiet during the whole exchange. Now, he slammed his fist down on the tabletop, making porcelain and cutlery rattle, effectively silencing the room. He fixed Jack with a piercing glare and hissed. “Enough! I’m not going to listen to any more of this. I don’t care about your celestial war. Me and my family have done more than enough for this world. We have fought and died for the cause.” Now he pointed a finger at Dean, anger immediately replaced by something softer. “My boy… My boy already gave his life. He’s given everything! So don’t you dare come drag him back in just because you pissed of this Empty thing. That’s on you!” John pushed back his chair and stood. “I think you should say your goodbyes and leave.” He looked pointedly at both Jack and Castiel, then left the room. The backdoor slammed seconds later.

The room fell quiet. Jack and Castiel were heavy with guilt, avoiding eye contact, yet unable to leave as demanded by the oldest Winchester. Under the cover of the table, Castiel carefully rested a comforting hand on Dean’s thigh. Sam, Mary and Eileen were looking at Dean with worry and sympathy.

Dean was shocked. Not only was Jack asking something huge, something that he for all in the world wanted to decline, but his dad had just stood up for him. Sure, John Winchester had always had his son’s backs, kept them alive, but he had never been one to keep them out of the line of fire. Hell, the man had raised them – especially Dean – as hunters and soldiers. Instead of throwing ball in the park, they spend their weekends practicing covering their tracks in a forest, picking locks and cleaning weapons. ‘Werewolf in Virginia? I’m busy, but I’ll send my 16-year-old kid to help. No problem.’ Now, his dad had listened to God ask for their help and pretty much told him to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.

Jack finally broke the silence. “Your father is right. It is my problem. And we are still looking for other solutions, scrutinising Heaven’s libraries.”

Castiel moved his hand to catch Dean’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze; an apology and a promise to return. “Please, do not think too much about this. We still have opportunities to explore.” Then he added to Jack. “We should probably leave.”

Before Castiel could let go of Dean’s hand, Dean tightened the grip. He didn’t say anything out loud, but he could see that the Angel heard his prayer.

Castiel and Jack said quick, awkward goodbyes, and Mary assured them that they were always welcome. But right now, they just needed time to let it all sink in.

When they were alone, Mary looked apologetically at her sons and daughter-in-law. “I’ll go talk to your dad.”

“No.” Dean interrupted quietly. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Dean.” Sam didn’t have to say more than that. _Are you going to fix dad’s problems? Again?_

Dean patted Sam’s shoulder. _Don’t worry. Just gonna talk to the old man._ And then he walked out the backdoor.

His father was sitting on the same log that he and Sam had occupied earlier. Dean quietly sat down next to him. He waited for his dad to speak first. Dean was not in the wrong here. He had nothing to explain.

“I hope I didn’t offend your friends.” John finally spoke, actually sounding regretful.

“Nah…” Dean tried to sound casual, though he was a little bit angry with his dad for throwing out what he considered just as much family as his blood relatives. “They know it’s a tough subject. But they need our help, dad. I’m not saying that this Archangel thing is the right thing to do, but they are my family. And I’m not just going to turn my back on them. And I’m pretty damn sure Sam feels the same way.”

John turned to his oldest son, a sad smile on his face. “I know I’m the one who dragged you into this life. But I never thought you would get involved in something as big as this. War between celestial beings. I always intended that it should end with Yellow Eyes, that we would stop and-“

“And what, dad?” Dean cut in, feeling that old, lifelong anger taking hold. “Just ignore all the bad shit going on around us? Have a cold beer while we ignore every suspicious death we hear about, knowing that we could have stopped it? How exactly did you think it was going to play out, huh?” Dean didn’t allow his dad to answer. “This is what you trained us for, dad! All our lives. I didn’t even finish school ‘cause I was out there hunting monsters. What the hell was I going to fall back on? Sam, sure, he would have made it. He almost made it until I pulled him back in. That’s on me.” Dean took a breath and continued quieter but more insistently. “Saving people. Hunting things. Family first. That is all I know. That is what you’ve drilled into my head since mom died. And right now, Cas and Jack need our help. So you can disagree all you want. But I’m not going to just sit back and watch them die if I can do something about it.”

At that, Dean got up from the log. He left his anger behind. One of the many things he had taught himself since Cas died. He stood calmly, looking down at his father. He was about to wait for him to say something. Wait for an accept of what he had just said. But he didn’t need that anymore. Instead, he just stated; “Next time they come by, I hope you’ll join us. We could use your help.”

Dean started to leave but was stopped by his father’s quiet voice. “I know I was hard on you. On both of you. But especially you, Dean. All the things that you and Sam have hunted since my death, are so much bigger than I ever imagined. I am sorry that you got mixed up in all that.” John looked up at his son’s back. “I am so proud of you. And all I want is for you to be happy. If… If you want to do this… I won’t stop you. And I will help you in any way I can. I’m just… I don’t want to lose you again.”


	10. Everything I Wanted Was in My Hand, I Gave it All Up for a Better Man

Dean had not known how to answer his father. He was still not used to receiving praise from the man. And he was even less used to his father yielding so easily, actually allowing Dean to make his own choices. Maybe his dad had finally found some peace in Heaven. Maybe dying had cured him from some of his obsession.

He felt drained when he stepped into his room. For a moment he had forgotten about his previous arrangement and was surprised to find the Angel waiting for him. The room was dark except for a single lit bedside lamp. The Angel stood dead still next to the bed, as if afraid to touch anything. Dean immediately smiled at the sight of him, though Castiel still looked apologetic. “Hey Cas.”

“Dean.” Castiel straightened and started rambling off what was obviously a practised speech. “I’m sorry that you had to find out like this. It was never my intention to bring it up during dinner. I explicitly asked Jack not to-“

Dean cut him off with a small kiss. Castiel was surprised by how the small gesture deleted everything he had so meticulously planned to say in order to apologise to Dean.

Dean pulled back with a small smile. “I know, Cas. It was written all over your face. I won’t lie. I was a bit angry… still am… but not because of the Archangel thing. But because you didn’t tell me about the Empty and the Empty Reapers sooner. You were out there, fighting them all this time, but you didn’t tell me?”

Castiel finally relaxed a little. “Protecting Heaven has always been my purpose. To keep the souls in Heaven safe, to keep the gates to Heaven clear. You, as a soul in Heaven, is to be protected. You shouldn’t be involved in Heaven’s affairs.” Dean was about to protest, so Castiel quickly added. “I know you are not just any soul, Dean. Trust me, no one knows better than me. For the same reason, I also know that you deserve peace more than anyone.”

That disarmed Dean, and he just leant his forehead against Castiel’s. “When you are out there, putting yourself at risk every day. I want to know, okay? I _need_ to know.”

Castiel nodded as much as was possible without breaking the connection with Dean. He was positively surprised by the small, affectionate gestures Dean had already given. Initiating their first kiss, accepting Castiel initiating their second kiss, allowing Castiel to hold his hand, and just now kissing him again. Yes, he had probably intended for it to shut Castiel up, but that was okay. He could feel Dean resting in himself in a way he had not before. Still, he could also feel the hunter holding himself back, taking it slow as earlier agreed. Castiel respected that… but he wanted more. More closeness, more time together, more... everything.

“Do you have to be anywhere tonight?” Dean asked before pulling back to look at Cas.

Castiel jumped a little. It felt as if Dean had read his mind. He quickly recovered and answered as calmly as he could; “Not to my knowledge. But as you have discovered, I do not always know when Jack will call for me.”

“That’s alright.” Dean answered with a smile. “Would you like to stay? I mean… Just to talk and stuff… Well, not _stuff_ , but…” Dean ended with a frustrating growl, aimed at himself.

Castiel just smiled. “Yes, I would like that.”

“Great. That’s great.” Dean recovered. He eyed the table with two chairs, but honestly, he wanted to be a bit closer to Cas than sitting on opposite sides of the table. He then gestured at the bed. “Mind if we lay down?”

Castiel nodded and moved towards the bed and sat down on the opposite side. It wasn’t until then that he thought this through and realised that he was not quite sure what was expected of him right now. Should he just lay down as he was? Was Dean expecting him to remove some of his clothes? Dean had just said ‘not stuff’, which Castiel was fairly sure translated to ‘I am not inviting you to have sex’. But what middle ground were they walking? Castiel might have had sex once, but he had never _dated_. Neither Winchester brother had demonstrated much dating either. He guessed that Sam had sort of dated Eileen, but Castiel had naturally not been involved in that.

Castiel felt the madras dip behind him and turned to find Dean laying on his side, head resting in the hand of his bended arm. He looked up, smiling at Castiel. Dean seemed to sense the tenseness and questions in the Angel. “If you want to, you can drop the coat and tie. Make yourself comfortable.”

Castiel was always comfortable, especially in his trench coat. Why did no one seem to understand that? He rose from the bed and looked at Dean. The hunter had dropped his boots and flannel, only wearing his socks, jeans and black T-shirt. Castiel decided to dress down accordingly, removing his trench coat, blazer, tie and shoes.

He laid down on the bed, mirroring Dean’s posture, head propped up on his hand in a similar manner. Dean smiled at him and Castiel smiled back. This was nice. Intimate. It made him feel as if he could dare broach a sensitive subject. “How did things go with your father?”

Dean shook his head disbelievingly. “Surprisingly well. Gave him a piece of my mind, I guess. Told him that he could disagree all he wanted, but that Sam and I were going to help you and Jack. ‘Cause you’re family. And… I think he’ll come around.”

“Really?” Castiel frowned. “I admit to not knowing your father personally, but I would have guessed that he would not easily change his mind?”

“You and me both, but… He seems changed.” Dean admitted. “Like, he heard what I was saying instead of just dismissing me before I even opened my mouth. And he… He actually said that… That he was worried about losing me. The guy who dragged me out hunting when I was just a kid….” Dean huffed a weak laughter at the absurdity.

Castiel raised a hand and put it on Dean’s arm reassuringly. “I know your childhood was anything but easy. But I have never doubted that your father loves you and Sam very much.”

Dean nodded and avoided eye contact. He decided to change the subject before things got too sappy. “So, what do you actually do out there, protecting Heaven?” He tried to sound a bit flirtatious, and judging by Cas’ small smile, he was somewhat successful.

“I spend a lot of time with Jack, strategizing and sending out other Angels on assignments. At first, it was mainly protecting the gates and maintaining Heaven. As with many new things, New Heaven experienced a few teething troubles.” Castiel considered if he should just stop there, but Dean had asked for honesty, and he was going to honour that. “Then, the Empty attacked. It led to battles along Heaven’s gates, but New Heaven is much stronger than the last time it attacked. We successfully kept the Empty out. We thought it had gone back to sleep, when suddenly we were contacted by the Reapers. They told us about these new Reapers who enclosed the souls in black and took them away. They thought Jack had created new Reapers and wanted to complain about it. But… when they told us the details, we realised that it was the Empty. Since then, we have worked with the Reapers to fight the Empty Reapers to the best of our abilities. But we can’t have an Angel following every Reaper. There are too many Reapers.”

Dean had that small thoughtful frown. “How many Empty Reapers are there?”

“We don’t know for sure. Reapers are not easily created, so we don’t think there are many. Yet. The power to reap souls is complex and draining to create.”

“And you really think an Archangel could fight them?”

Castiel sighed. “Dean, let’s not talk about this tonight, please.”

Dean swallowed. “Okay. But tell be one thing?” When Castiel nodded, Dean asked; “If we do the Archangel thing and it goes wrong… What will happen to me?”

Castiel looked down at the bed. “It has never been done before, so we can’t be sure. But our best guess for a worst-case scenario is that the power of the grace would implode, and you would disappear from existence.” Castiel looked back up at Dean. “And that is why this is not an option. It is not only your father who is afraid of losing you.”

The atmosphere was heavy, the two of them just looking at each other. Too many times had they lost the other. Van Nuys, Leviathan, Purgatory… Mark of Cain, Rocky Mountain National Park, Michael…

Dean reached forward and grabbed Castiel’s hand, caressing it with his thumb. “We’re here. We’re good.”

Castiel relaxed with the touch. If Dean could change the subject when uncomfortable, so could he. “How do you like New Heaven?”

Dean smiled again. “It’s pretty good.”

Castiel eyed him sceptically. “Dean. Don’t make me force the truth out of you.”

Damn that Angel. He had always had that piercing look that made Dean spill his guts. It just felt wrong to lie to a freaking Angel when it clearly knew you were. “It really is good, Cas… I’m happy. At peace. I guess it has just given me a few things to think about. You, for one thing.” Another flirting smile, and Castiel couldn’t help but to love it. “But also… I’ve thought a lot about who I am… I mean… There’s no monster hunting up here. Sammy is safe. He has Eileen again. They’re happy. So, being here… has made me realise that I didn’t really achieve much in life on the personal front. I mean, I even live with my parents. I guess I just don’t know who I am up here yet.”

Castiel’s smile turned a bit sad. “We were worried that the added freedom could have these kinds of consequences. When people were just reliving their happiest moments, they didn’t contemplate their lives or their surroundings. Now, they can see all their loved ones, do whatever they want, have whatever they want. It allows for thinking and concerns.”

Dean couldn’t help a yawn as the events of the night crept up on him. It was just so relaxing lying here with Cas. “Don’t worry, Cas. Its fine, really. I’m just happy to be here with the family. And you.”

Castiel would never say this out loud, but tired, smiling Dean was very adorable to him. “You should get some sleep, Dean.”

“Yeah, probably. Will you stay?”

“For as long as I can.”

“Why did you even keep sleep in Heaven? It’s not really necessary, is it?” Dean yawned again. “It’s annoying.”

“Humans find comfort in sleep and a daily rhythm. But no, it is not necessary. As you already know, time sometimes moves differently up here, if beneficial for the individual soul.” Castiel turned around to turn off the bedside lamp. “But rest is, as they say, good for the soul.”

When he turned back around, Dean had leaned in closer and Castiel smiled into the goodnight kiss. Dean let go of the Angel’s hand to place his hand on Castiel’s side instead, grabbing onto his shirt to hold him close. Castiel grabbed Dean’s arm to ground himself. The hunter deepened the kiss and Castiel happily followed. He tried to keep up with Dean’s skilled mouth, but he quickly just got lost in the sensation.

When Dean let out an unwilling growl, he forced himself to back away. He took a few heavy breaths, trying to gather himself. He couldn’t remember what he had been worried about anymore. Why he had thought that being with Cas might not work. It was clearly _working_. He just wanted to do this right, for once. Not just jump in and hope that he landed on his legs.

Castiel huffed a small laughter. He could feel the hunter’s frustration and reluctance. “We are in no hurry, Dean.” A small kiss to his forehead. “Go to sleep.”

Dean laid down, hand still on Castiel’s waist and Castiel’s hand on his arm. “I might have to revise the whole ‘taking it slow’ thing.”

Castiel chuckled again as he also lowered himself down on the extra pillow that had appeared when needed. They needed no comforter. The room was warm, and they had each other.

For a moment, they just laid in silence. Castiel was watching Dean, and he knew that the hunter was not sleeping even though his eyes were closed. His breathing was relaxed, but not heavy with sleep.

“What is it, Dean?” Castiel suddenly feared that Dean’s previous advancements were keeping him awake. Maybe he regretted it so soon? But it didn’t correspond with Dean’s relaxed state.

Dean opened his eyes, catching Castiel’s shining dark eyes right in front of him. His voice was low and rough with sleepiness. “If this thing with the Empty gets worse… If you’re in danger… I’ll do it. In a heartbeat. Don’t you dare go get yourself hurt. Alright?”

Castiel sighed. He had so many things he wanted to say to that. _Don’t worry about me. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way. Don’t sacrifice yourself. Again._ But it was late. “Goodnight, Dean.” _I don’t what to discuss this right now._

“’Night, Cas.” _I know. But I mean it._


	11. But You Always Knew that You'd Be the One That Work While They All Play

Castiel watched Dean throughout the night. It was rare that Jack didn’t call him for such long periods of time. He started to wonder if the kid had figured out where he was. It made him a bit uneasy. Dean had tried to explain to him that it was natural to feel this way when it came to family, that talking about relationships and sex with Sam was also awkward for him. But why when it was so natural?

Dean moved in his sleep, pressing himself closer to Castiel. The hand that had been casually resting on Castiel’s side snaked around him and now rested at his lower back. Dean was snuggled up against him. Castiel allowed his arm to mirror Dean’s movement and rested it on the small of Dean’s back instead of on his arm. Castiel got the feeling that this was yet another adorable thing about the hunter that was not to be mentioned, only appreciated.

Looking down on the man in front of him, he got the feeling that Dean was craving closeness and affection more than he himself realised. Even though he had found some peace with his father in death, it did not make up for a whole life of being told only to trust himself, trust his family and that only the job mattered.

Maybe… Maybe that was why Dean had never been able to think of Castiel as anything but family in life. When Dean called him family, it was greatest and only long-lasting love he had known. It was the only love possible in the life of a hunter, at least from Dean’s experience.

Oh, how Dean had deserved so much better and so much more in life.

Dean once again shuffled a bit closer, pushing his nose against Castiel’s collarbone. For a man who were so strict about personal space when awake, he had no boundaries when asleep. It was nice.

The peace was abruptly broken by the bedroom door creaking open, revealing the younger Winchester with a snickering grin and a tall glass of water. Judging by the condensation on the glass, the water must have been quite cold. However, his face quickly dropped when his eyes met Castiel’s.

Castiel froze. He didn’t dare to move because he didn’t want to wake or alarm Dean. And yet, Sam looking at him holding Dean in such a vulnerable position made him want to either jump out of bed and explain himself (but what was he going to explain?) or to push Sam out of the room and ignore that he had ever disturbed them. This must be that feeling that Dean was talking about. Being caught in an intimate moment by a man he considered a brother. Yes, he understood now.

“Oh.” Sam exclaimed chocked.

This small noise was enough to wake the sleeping hunter, trained through a lifetime to react to even the smallest of sounds and changes around him. First, his eyes snapped open. In less than a second, he registered Castiel’s tense body, and reacted by quickly turning towards the door, one arm roaming under his pillow for a gun that was no longer there.

Dean’s and Sam’s eyes met. For a moment, time stood still. Then, they reacted in quite opposite manners. Sam started grinning and Dean looked like he wouldn’t mind spontaneously combusting. “Damnit Sammy!”

“Well, good morning to you too.” Sam’s smile could not get any wider. “And good morning to you, Cas.”

“Good morning, Sam.” It would be impolite not to answer.

“Get out.” Dean sneered, not caring about politeness.

“Sure. But, just so you know, Jack is here and wants to talk about the Empty.” Sam sobered a bit, but one look at Castiel brought the smile back.

“Great. Now get out before I kill the freaking messenger.” Dean growled.

Sam left with a grin. Dean buried his blushing head in his hands.

Castiel fidgeted a bit next to him, not sure how to react. “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.“ Castiel didn’t know why he felt his need to apologise, but Dean’s reaction made it seem like the right thing to do.

Apparently, Dean disagreed. He quickly lifted his head and grabbed Castiel’s hands. “No-no-no-no-no. Don’t you dare apologise. This has nothing to do with you, okay? I told you, I already told Sam about us and he’s cool with it. This is just Sam messing with me, like stupid little brothers do. He just… caught me with my guard down. And now I’m never gonna hear the end of it.”

When Castiel still looked unsure, Dean gave him a sweet, reassuring kiss. Still, it couldn’t quite quench the Angel’s nervousness. “Well, I guess Jack will know now as well.”

Dean just smiled. “Is that such a bad thing? The kid is cool, he’ll be happy for us.”

Castiel smiled and finally relaxed. “Yes, he will.”

They got dressed. Well, Castiel added his missing layers while Dean chose to change his clothes for something clean.

Then, they went downstairs and were met with the rest of the Winchesters and Jack by the bottom of the stairs. They must have been waiting for them, or at least, waiting for Dean. They did not seem to have been expecting Castiel.

They all looked up then they descended. Sam was still smiling widely when he looked at them. But, it became clear that the youngest Winchester had not told the others anything. Dean watched as each hunter went through the process of putting two and two together, reacting with a mixture of raised eyebrows, grinning smiles and dropped jaws. It was far from the first time Dean and Cas had walked next to each other. Cas could just have popped into his room this morning, couldn’t he? But there must have been something different about them to make everyone react this way.

All except Jack, who just smiled at them like any other day and said; “Good morning Dean. Good morning Castiel. I sensed you were already here. How lucky is that?”

Every human in the room sharply turned their head at Jack with a look of disbelief before turning to Castiel, eyes wide and curious as to how the Angel was going to answer.

“Yes. Very… lucky.” Castiel answered monotonously. He looked everyone in the eye, begging them not to comment on it. Besides a few poorly hidden smiles, no one said anything, so he quickly continued; “So, what did you want to talk about, Jack?”

It was an easy way out. Castiel felt slightly ashamed. But he had not lied. He had just not said ‘No, Jack, it wasn’t just pure luck. I have been here all night, watching over Dean in his sleep. We are romantically involved now’. He really did not want to have that conversation right now, in front of everyone.

Everyone looked back at Jack. The question was almost palpable in the room: _Seriously? Are you not getting what is happening here?_

“I know our discussion last night was far from optimal. For that I apologise. But I would still appreciate the assistance of everyone here to find alternative solutions. I have brought some books to show you. Can we go to the dining room?” Before waiting for an answer, Jack turned and walked to the adjoining room.

Behind Jack’s back, Mary hugged her son, who was obviously very happy underneath all the embarrassment. Sam patted Castiel on the back, letting him know that it was alright. John put a hand on his son’s shoulder, giving him a quick squeeze and a smile. Eileen signed something at them that Dean didn’t understand, but Castiel answered with a soft smile and a sign of his own. At Dean’s questioning look, Castiel leaned in and whispered; “She congratulated us. Apparently, we are ‘glowing’.”

Dean sent an embarrassed but thankful smile at his sister-in-law.

Jack popped his head out the dining room and everyone in the group stood back from each other, looking guiltily innocent. “Are you coming?”

-.-.-.-

Once everyone was seated around the table, Jack went through the books he had brought. Despite at least twenty-five different books of considerable volume, they pretty much all said the same things about the Empty; It is void, it is nothing, it is emptiness, it is dark. The first existence known. A being of the most primal of forces. It was forced to its own little corner of the universe once God and Darkness entered and God started creation.

Basically: It was all very complicated, and no one really knew anything solid.

“Okay… One question-” Sam interrupted with a thoughtful frown.

“Only one?” Dean interjected with disbelief.

Sam ignored him. “If nothing predates the Empty, then where did God and The Darkness come from? Did the Empty create them?”

“That... was two questions, Sammy.” Dean teased, pointing a finger at his brother, receiving an exasperated look in return.

“We don’t know.” Castiel quickly answered before any sibling argument could break out. “We have theorised that they might be a natural evolution of whatever the primal force is. That would explain why they can partly manipulate the Empty, but not control it. They are only a small subpart of the void.”

“So, God might just be a… mutation of this force? And not actually be made of the force itself?” Sam thought out loud.

“And we are back to the Archangels being the only creatures we know that might actually be created from this primal force, and the only ones who might be able to fight it.” Dean concluded bitterly.

“I’m afraid so.” Jack answered. “And even that is a long shot. We are only assuming that the Archangels were created from the void and that there might still be some of the primal force within the Archangels’ grace. But they must have been created from something. They must contain elements from the time of their creation, from the void.”

“But would an Archangel be able to kill the Empty?” Mary asked carefully.

“No. But hopefully it could stop the Empty Reapers and maybe assist in keeping the Empty at bay.” Jack answered. “Also, I am not sure if it would be a good idea to kill the Empty. Even if it is right now an enemy to us, it still serves a purpose. I have no idea what would happen to reality if we removed the Empty. Where would the spirits of Angels and Demons go when they die? I would love nothing more than to send them to a happier place, but it is beyond my powers. If we remove the Empty, they might just completely disappear.”

Silence stretched around the table.

“Well…” Dean coughed. “Sounds like we really only have one option here. And it’s not like it would be our first leap of faith. At least this time, I know I believe in the God pulling the strings.”

“Dean.” Mary grabbed for her son’s hand. “This is not something to just jump into.”

“I know, mom.” Dean smiled reassuringly. “But we might have a chance to stop this before it gets completely out of hand. Before anyone gets hurt.” Dean glanced at Cas before he continued. “I’ll be honest; this is not something I want. Just the thought of me being an Angel… is insane. But… if I can do anything to keep you safe, all of you, then I’ll do it. Even if it means that I have to strap on some wings. At least this time, it will only be me in my body.”

“Dean, please…” Sam all but begged. _Not again. No more sacrificing ourselves, no more…_

“I know, Sammy.” Dean smiled sadly, and then couldn’t help but add jokingly; “No rest for the wicked, huh?”

“You are anything but wicked.” Castiel interjected solemnly.

Dean couldn’t help a nervous laugh. “Just a figure of speech, Cas.”

“What happens now?” John had once again been quiet. He was agitated. It might not be visible to people who didn’t know him, but the way he was rubbing his hands together, the slight growl to his voice, spoke volumes to Sam and Dean.

“I will bring Dean’s body back. Then I will put his soul back into the body. And then…” Jack made a sweeping gesture with his hands in lack of words.

“Then we’ll make it up as we go.” Castiel supplied with a sad yet nostalgic smile which Dean reciprocated. The smiles quickly disappeared again and Castiel looked at Jack. “But let’s at least wait until tomorrow. We can still look through the library. And Dean, though I know you are very stubborn, I still urge you to rethink this.”

“Yes. Dean, you must be absolutely sure.” Jack concurred.

Sam interjected; “In the meantime, can I keep these books, Jack? And anything else you have that might be relevant? I want to keep looking for something that can help us.”

“Of course. I will add a door in your room with access to our libraries. I just need to inform the Angels that you are allowed to enter, otherwise they might get cranky.” Jack answered. They got the feeling that ‘cranky’ was an understatement.

Jack got up to leave to set things in motion. He looked expectedly at Castiel, who stood as well.

Dean quickly rambled; “Jack, do you think you could make do without Cas for the day? I’d… might have… questions… to ask him.” Dean tried to keep a straight face. Sam snorted behind them, but Dean pointedly ignored him.

“Of course. Anything you need.” Jack innocently agreed.


	12. Wash the Poison from off My Skin, Show Me How to be Whole Again

True to his word, John had showed his support in the shape of silently listening to their conversation. But when Jack left, he walked up to Dean and Castiel, repeating Castiel’s earlier words with a venomous tone: “We’ll make it up as we go?”

Castiel bowed his head. “I apologise if my figure of speech offended you.”

“It’s a reference, dad. To something Cas and I went through years ago.” Dean quickly explained.

“None the less, the truth is that no one has ever attempted multiplying the grace of an Angel before.” Castiel explained plainly. “Jack will have to follow his instincts and adjust to the reaction of the grace when he manipulates its composition.”

“That doesn’t sound very comforting.” John looked at Dean at this statement.

Dean swallowed but spoke clearly. “Maybe not. But it’s all we’ve got.”

“But we could wait longer. We are still holding our own against the Empty-“ Castiel started but was cut off.

“Innocent souls are being dragged to the Empty.” Dean interjected forcefully, looking his dad straight in the eye. “If we can do something about it, we should.”

John yielded, repeating his action of the previous night by leaving through the backdoor. Though Dean was saddened by his father’s reaction, it was much better than anything he had experienced when he was alive. His dad had never backed down but kept fighting until he got his way, no matter the consequences for his sons.

Sam cleared his throat. “I’m, uhm… I’ll hit the books. Maybe call Bobby and see if he can help with the research.”

Eileen and Mary agreed to help as well.

“Cas, can we talk?” Dean didn’t wait for an answer but started walking towards the stairs. Cas quickly followed.

They didn’t get to leave in peace as Sam called after them; “Remember what you said about soundproof bedrooms?”

He received a heavily thrown couch pillow to his head in answer.

-.-.-.-

Castiel quietly closed the door behind them. He felt awful. He wished that Jack had never mentioned anything about the Empty, that they could just go back to dinner last night and keep laughing. That Dean had never been told about this option, because of course the hunter would step up to the challenge and sacrifice himself. Again. He always did. Ran straight into the arms of danger if there was just the smallest chance that it may keep someone he loved safe. Keep Castiel safe. The thought made him heavy with guilt.

Dean sat on the bed. He patted the spot next to him, and Castiel carefully sat down next to him. “Whatever questions you may have, I will of course answer them. But there are many things about this process that I do not know. So please, Dean, reconsider your decision. You don’t have to-”

Dean kissed the Angel’s cheek. Castiel’s heart fluttered and he once again lost his train of thought. Devious hunter.

“Cas, I trust you. And I trust Jack. I know he will do everything he can to keep me… dead.” Dean frowned at his own statement and corrected it. “To keep me existing. So, it’s fine.”

“Fine?” Castiel asked with disbelief. That word brought back too many memories of Dean saying he was fine when he absolutely wasn’t.

“Yes, Cas. Really. Not happy about it. Pretty scared actually. But fine.” Dean smiled.

Castiel studied the man next to him, but all he saw was relaxed determination. “So, what are your questions?”

“Only have one.” Dean turned in his seat to better look at Castiel. He suddenly felt nervous and a little shy. He looked down at his hands. “Uhm… This is not exactly how I imagined this. I… I know we talked about taking this slow. Because I needed time to…”

“Adjust?” Castiel supplied.

“To get this right.” Dean corrected. “To get used to having someone. Be with someone. In an actual relationship. I didn’t… I never imagined… I dreamed, of course, but…” He looked up at Castiel and couldn’t help the smile that spread on his face. ”But here you are. Damnit, Cas… What I’m trying to ask is… Would you mind if we skipped going slow and…?”

Castiel’s eyes widened in shock when he caught on to what Dean was trying to say. “Now? Are you sure?” His voice seemed even deeper than normally.

“Yeah. I want to do this with you, while I’m still me. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, how the grace will affect me. Or if it will go wrong.” Dean took Castiel’s hand. “I didn’t want our first time together to be a ‘last night in Heaven’ kind of thing. I just know I’d regret it if I didn’t ask.”

“You will still be you, Dean. It will be your body, your soul-“ Castiel tried to mitigate but was cut off.

“We don’t know for sure. As you said, we are making this up as we go.”

Castiel couldn’t deny how much he wanted this. They may only have kissed a handful of times by now, but from the first moment they touched as more than friends, it had lighted a fire unlike anything the Angel had ever felt.

He squeezed Dean’s hand. It was rough from manual work, faint linear scars in the palm from too many spells demanding blood. But there was no tremor, no cold extremities. Just a warm, steady hand.

He used his hold of the hand to pull Dean up with him. They stood face to face, and without saying a word, Castiel carefully slipped his fingers under Dean’s flannel, over his shoulders, guiding the shirt down the hunter’s arms until it let go and fell to the floor.

Dean reciprocated but removed both the trench coat and blazer in one smooth movement. He then proceeded with removing the crooked tie, opening the knot and sliding the tie slowly around the Angel’s neck. Castiel blinked at the movement. It was not the first time his tie had been removed, but this time, it left tickling electricity in its way.

Dean stepped forward and placed a careful, lingering kiss on his lips. Now, Castiel could feel a small shake in Dean’s lips. “Are you sure?” Castiel managed to whisper in the kiss.

Dean smiled against him and withdrew. “Yeah. It’s just been a while since I’ve done this. Been with someone where it wasn’t just about sex.”

Those words breathed new life into the fire in Castiel. He closed the distance between them again, putting all the caring words he had ever told Dean into action. _You are a good man. You are righteous. You are worthy._

He moved his hands to pull at the hem of Dean’s T-shirt, and the hunter moved back to give him space to pull the fabric over his head. As soon as the shirt hit the floor, Castiel tenderly touched Dean’s torso. It was everything he never thought he could have, right under his fingertips. An eagerly beating heart underneath the hard muscle and smooth skin.

Dean sighed underneath the touch and moved to unbutton Cas’ shirt. Why did the Angel wear something with buttons? Dean was going to get him something else to wear. Something with Velcro. The thought made him smirk.

Castiel reluctantly stopped his exploration of Dean to let the hunter remove the shirt completely. As soon as his arms were free, he picked up where he left off. He didn’t get far before Dean pressed up against him, and they were finally touching chest to chest.

If the removal of the tie had been a tickle, this was lightning. Every touch was amplified and sent electric shocks through his body.

Dean guided Cas to lie down on the bed and started unbuckling his belt while placing wet kisses on his chest and stomach. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so present during sex. He had always enjoyed sex. Done everything he could to make it good for his companion for the night. But it was often rushed, a chase for the high. A way to forget about all the bad in his life. A healthier alternative to alcohol.

But now, they didn’t rush. They bathed in the warmth of each other, in the small urgent sounds and hitched breaths. In every careful touch. Dean couldn’t remember anyone ever touching him like this. Like he was fragile. No. Valuable. Looking at Castiel, the Angel seemed to be in awe.

This was making love.

It hit Dean with a force of scorching arousal. This was real, and clean, and purifying. It was intention and emotion expressed in every tender kiss, every exploring hand. He felt undeserving of the loving, trusting being underneath him. It made Dean want to worship him. Make Cas know just how much he meant to him.

There was an easy way to do that.

Once both were fully naked, Dean aligned their bodies and looked into the ocean deep of Castiel’s eyes. He could feel the Angel’s heart hammering against his own. “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

Dean knew that they had to agree on some… logistics. One look at the Angel, and Castiel just smiled. “You won’t hurt me.”

Dean kissed him gratefully. He got the feeling that Cas didn’t care one way or the other, but for their first time, this certainly made Dean feel a bit more on top. Point intended. And Cas was probably right. He was back to full Angel strength, back to when Dean was the one getting hurt if he threw a punch at him.

Still, they kept at their slow pace, kept it tender. There were a few awkward moments, uncoordinated movements. A few breathy giggles mixed in with the desperate moans.

When Castiel could no longer hold back, no matter how long we wished this could last, he grabbed unto Dean’s shoulder. Despite the scar no longer being there, it sent a bolt of electricity through both of them. That spot, where Castiel had first touch Dean, had touched him many times after and had last touched him when alive. It was so casual, and yet so significant. It brought both of them over the edge.

Castiel curled up next to Dean, and Dean opened his arm to cradle the Angel close to his side. It was a very human gesture that made Dean smile. He kissed the top of the Angel’s hair.

Dean had lost track of time. It felt like he was floating. Everything was quiet. Unnaturally quiet. Like the room had been cut off from the rest of the house. From the rest of Heaven. It was just the two of them. If Cas told him that this room made up the entire universe, he would believe him.

“Are you alright?” Castiel carefully asked.

Dean chuckled. “I’m better than alright.”

Dean lazily traced random patterns on Castiel’s back. The Angel hummed happily. A sudden thought popped into Dean’s head, and he couldn’t hold back a laughter.

Castiel raised his head, looking offended that his peaceful resting place was shaking beneath him. “What’s so funny?”

“Uriel.” Dean choked out. At Castiel’s confused frown, Dean snaked his arms around him and held him close. He looked at his Angel with all the love he could muster in his amused state “Finally got my slice of full-on-grace angel food cake.”


	13. And in a Burst of Light that Blinded Every Angel

Dean received a frustrated shove to the shoulder and a growled _‘idjit’_ when he greeted Bobby. Then he got a tight, desperate hug. When Bobby saw Castiel over his shoulder, he pulled back and looked knowingly between hunter and Angel. “About damn time.”

Dean frowned, looking back at Castiel who looked puzzled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Bobby raised an eyebrow at him. “I’ve got eyes.”

Dean stuttered but decided to let it go with a dismissive wave of his hand. He knew better than to argue with the older hunter.

Now that everyone was gathered, they all went to Sam’s room to walk through the newly added door. Dean still felt like a stranger in Sam’s room. It was the bedroom that he had shared with Eileen after his death. It represented everything that Dean had missed out on in his brother’s life.

Compared to the last time he had been in the room, it had been updated with a few female touches, clearly a manifestation of Eileen’s arrival in Heaven.

Dean tried to ignore the feeling the room gave him and just focused on the new door that had popped up. “So, this is the door to Narnia, huh?”

Everyone ignored his false bravado, and Sam stepped forward and opened the door.

Dean had expected something grand, like Death’s library, but this was much bigger. He couldn’t even see the top of the bookcases. The ceiling looked like a starry night and all furniture were kept in a dark wood. Yet, the room was bright from an unseen light source.

When they entered, an Angel’s head popped up from a table filled with books. Probably the librarian. It greeted its fellow Angel. “Castiel.”

“Raziel.” Castiel returned the gesture.

“He awaits you in the Ritual Chamber.” Raziel informed them before sitting back down.

Castiel nodded at his brother and then led them down long white halls. Dean had never seen this side of Heaven before. It seemed almost clinical, giving Dean some unnerving flashbacks to hospitals. Was this really the operation behind Heaven? What happened to the Garden? Hallway after hallway of white. Finally Dean said: “You seem to have a colour theme.”

“The common areas cannot accommodate everyone’s liking. Our individual rooms are personalised in much the same way as your Heaven.” Castiel explained.

They entered a large room, just as white the hallways. The uniform colour made it seem endless. In the middle, Jack stood, looking down at a body on the ground.

Dean’s body.

It took his breath away to see himself lying there. The same clothes as the day he died. As if he had just dropped dead on the floor. He couldn’t help looking at his brother, but quickly looked away when he saw tears in Sam’s eyes.

“Hello.” Jack greeted them with a quick wave and a small smile.

“Hello Jack.” Was muttered by the group. Everyone was too focused on the body in front on them to make a real effort.

“I’m sorry.” Jack said solemnly. “I know this is disturbing.”

“You can say that again.” John shuffled his feet, holding an arm around Mary’s shoulders. It seemed to both be both a comforting and grounding gesture.

After a moment of silence, Dean stepped forward. He didn’t look back. Couldn’t. So he just stepped up to Jack in the middle of the room. He quickly patted Jack on the shoulder to let him know it was alright. “Let’s get this show on the road, kid.”

“Okay.” Jack nodded and took a few steps back. God moving away to a safe distance did not make Dean feel particularly safe. “If you just-“

“Wait.”

Dean looked up and found Castiel walking up to them. “Cas, we talked about this…”

“I know.” Castiel took Dean’s hands, giving them a squeeze before looking deeply into Dean’s green eyes. Then he said in a low voice, for Dean’s ears only; “Next time you think yourself unworthy or underserving, think of this moment. This is just the latest of all the times where you have sacrificed yourself and your own happiness to help others.”

Dean swallowed heavily, taking in Cas’ words. All he could do was nod. But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. He leaned forward and kissed his Angel. Just one last time as himself before all this would go down. He barely realised that he intertwined their fingers, grabbing on to the Angel, grounding himself before letting go.

He broke the kiss but kept the contact by leaning his forehead against Cas’. “I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

Castiel smiled at the hunter’s bravado, seeing it for what it was. He simply answered; “Yes. You better be.”

The Angel turned to step away but froze when he met Jack’s surprised eyes. He felt himself blushing, looking embarrassed back at Dean, who had the audacity to snicker, though he tried to hide it.

“Oh.” Jack just said, looking back between the two. Then his surprise turned into a smile.

Castiel quickly strode past him to stand in what would hopefully be a safe distance with the rest of the group. He pointedly ignored their smiles as well.

“Well, Dean.” Jack turned to look at the hunter, still a small smile on his face.

“If you’re about to give me ‘the speech’, don’t bother.” The hunter smiled back.

“What speech?” Jack tilted his head in confusion.

“Never mind.” Dean shook his head. He caught sight of his body on the ground behind, bringing him back to the real reason they were here. “So, what do you need me to do.”

“I’m going to send your soul back in your body.” Jack stated as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Yeah, but how-“ Dean didn’t get to finish his sentence. One moment he stood talking to Jack, the next he opened his eyes looking up at the ceiling. He took in a desperate breath, filling his lungs in what felt like the first time in forever. His muscles felt odd, unused.

“Dean!” Sam called out to him desperately.

“’m Fine.” Dean coughed and waved at Sam to stay back.

Jack walked to Dean’s side, putting a hand on Dean’s arm. “Just breath, Dean.”

Dean did as told, filling his lungs a couple of times. He realised that there were a lot of sensations that he had not felt when dead, simple breathing being one of them. His old pains and quirks being another. Years of hunting had left its marks on the human body.

“That was the easy part.” Jack stated apologetically. “I need you to stand for the next part.”

Dean slowly stood on his legs. For a moment, he feared he would give Bambi a run for his money, but he caught himself on Jack’s shoulder until he found out where he had put his balance.

Once Jack sensed that Dean was steady, he moved to stand behind the hunter. Dean tried to send a confident smile at their onlookers, but they kept looking worried. Jack placed a hand on each side of Dean’s neck. After a concentrated moment he exclaimed. “Yes! I feel some grace. But not a lot. It had been a while since Michael possessed your vessel. But the grace of an Archangel is strong.”

“Great” It came out as a defeated sigh. Maybe Dean had secretly hoped that there would not be any grace left.

“Are you sure, Dean?” Jack asked from behind him.

Dean huffed. “No. So just kick it into gear and let’s go.”

Jack smiled and whispered, just for Dean’s ears. “D for drive.”

Dean smiled at the distant memory of a young Nephilim learning to drive and felt his shoulders relax. “Damn straight.” He looked back up at his family. Eileen hugging Sam’s arm, stroking it reassuringly. Sam was just staring at Dean with eyes full of concern. His father standing behind his mother, holding her shoulders. Maybe holding her back from going to her oldest son. Maybe giving himself something to hold on to. Bobby was looking at him in that fatherly, concerned, encouraging, proud way of his. And Cas. His eyes could only be described as begging. Begging for Dean to stop this, for Jack to be careful, for everything to be alright.

It started as a small tingle in his neck. Like a bug crawling under his skin.

Then, the pain was blinding. He wanted to claw at Jack. He should have fallen to the ground in agony. But he stood, held up by the power streaming from Jack into his spine. Maybe he screamed. He couldn’t hear. Couldn’t think. He just begged for it to be over, even if it meant dying. Again.

Castiel was pushed back by the power exploding from the middle of the room. He faintly registered that the humans next to him dropped to their knees and covered their eyes. His mind filled with Dean’s outward screams and inward prayers. _Please, stop! Make it stop! It hurts! Please!_ Castiel would have run to him, but he couldn’t move. The power was becoming stronger. The room was filling with a blinding light, blinding to even an Angel. Castiel found himself squinting. He couldn’t even see Dean anymore. “Dean…? Jack…?” He could still hear Dean’s screams. “Dean! Jack, stop!”

The energy burst, slamming everyone to the wall behind them. For a moment, everything was beyond white, beyond light.

As soon as the light evaporated, everyone looked up.

Jack had been pushed back in a similar manner as everyone else, lying by the foot of the wall on the opposite end of the room.

In the middle, Dean had fallen to his knees. To the humans, he looked like himself. He was out of breath, fighting the remnants of the pain that had coursed through his body.

But to the celestial beings, Dean was wrapped in blue light. Grace was running along with the blood in his veins, swirling around his muscles and pumping with every heartbeat. His back was shielded by six massive wings, folded neatly around him in a protective gesture.

Castiel felt a hand on his arm, making him realise that this was truly happening. He heard Sam’s voice next to him. “Did it work?”

Castiel let go of a breath he hadn’t realised that he had been holding, breathing out a disbelieving; “Yes.”


	14. ‘Cause Even a Blueprint is a Gift and a Curse

For a long time, Dean only felt the relief from the absence of pain. Something was ringing in his ears. His nerves still felt as if on end. But it was painless. It felt amazing.

He finally opened his eyes. The world came back. But it looked different. He squinted, trying to figure out what he was seeing. But it all just looked like lights. Five golden balls of light and one bluish white that almost outshined the others.

Then he felt something on his shoulder. A hand. He looked up but was almost blinded by bright white light. He tried to cover his eyes.

“..En.. Yo- eed… oment to se-ld.” What the hell kind of scrambled radio was that?

Dean tried asking ‘what’, but he didn’t think he said it out loud. But suddenly, a voice came though clearly. “ _Just breath, Dean. It will take a moment before the grace settles_.” Cas’ voice.

“No shit.” Finally, his own voice. Even if it was breathless and strangled.

More mumbling and broken voices. Dean closed his eyes and tried focusing inwards instead of on the confusing world around him. But his insides were no less confusing. It was almost as if he could feel the blood as it ran through his veins. And it was running fast, everywhere. But the noise of it slowly faded in time with his slowing pulse.

He felt something behind him. Someone was moving back there. Probably Jack. Jack had been behind him. He was touching his shoulder blades. Odd. He tried flexing his back muscles to get him to back off, give him some space. But Jack just moved with his muscles. Come on. “Jack, let go of my back.”

“Dean. I’m in front of you.”

Dean snapped his eyes open. The lights were almost gone. Instead, he saw his family in front of him. All of them. They looked concerned. Sam and Cas were kneeling in front of him. The rest standing behind them. Sam had a golden glow in him. Cas has blue running through him. And over Cas’ right shoulder stood Jack shining white. So, who was touching his back?

“Dean. Can you hear us?” Castiel reached out and touched his shoulder.

“Yeah, ‘course I can hear you.” Dean answered confused.

“A moment ago, you couldn’t.” Sam was clenching and unclenching his jaw in that nervous habit of his.

“Yeah, I could.” Dean argued. “I heard Cas!”

“That wasn’t my vessel’s voice, Dean. That was my true voice.”

Dean stared at them dumbfounded. “But I heard you.”

“Yes. Because it worked Dean. You’re… You’re an Angel now.” Cas couldn’t help the disbelieving smile that crept over his face. He couldn’t believe it. The hunter shined with the grace of an Archangel. It was beautiful, beyond what he could have imagined.

“Huh…” Was all Dean could answer. “Is that why everyone is shining?”

The humans of the group looked confused and concerned, but the two celestial beings smiled knowingly. Jack answered; “That would be my divinity, Castiel’s grace and everyone else’s souls.”

“Wait…” Dean finally caught up to what they were actually talking about. “So if I’m… And you’re not touching my back…”

“Yes, that would be your wings.” Jack confirmed the unasked question.

Dean’s head snapped as he looked over his shoulder. He could see them. Formed in blue grace behind him. There was more than two, layered around each other. They were weightless, and yet he felt the connection to them in the same manner he felt his arms and legs.

“How are you feeling, kid?” Bobby’s voice came from the back of the group.

“Alright.” Dean answered truthfully. “A bit strange, but… alright.”

“This grace is yours.” Jack said. “It might once have been Michael’s, but now it has been shaped and fitted to your soul and body.”

Dean nodded his head and finally stood up. Both Cas and Sam held out a hand in case he was unsteady, but he stood without a problem. He clenched and unclenched his fists.

Thinking about it… It kinda felt like the Mark of Cain. A pulsing power running through him. But it didn’t make him want to kill anyone. It was… neutral. It was his choice how he wanted to use it.

“So, what now?” Dean asked looking around at everyone. “We go find some Empty Reapers?”

“Easy now.” Jack laughed. “You should probably get acquainted with your grace first. You don’t have Michael to rely on this time to control your power.”

Dean huffed “Fine. Send me off to Angel camp or whatever.”

“Angels receive millennia of fight training. We don’t have time for that.” Castiel frowned.

“Dean is not a rookie.” John’s gruff voice cut in. “He knows how to fight. He just needs to know how to mix his… grace… with the skills he has.”

“Maybe we should take me for a trial run. Something easy to get my engines going.” Dean suggested.

“Trial by fire? Because we haven’t been reckless enough already?” Sam raised a disapproving eyebrow.

“We can set it up, here in Heaven. Under safe conditions.” Jack interfered.

“What do you suggest?” Castiel looked intrigued.

Jack frowned in thought before looking up. “A demon.”

“A demon?” Sam parroted.

“Yes. You and Dean have killed many demons as humans. With Dean’s new powers, it should be an easy feat.” Jack reasoned.

“I will go with him.” Castiel quickly said, trying to ensure both Sam and Dean. “I will explain to you how you summon your grace.”

Dean nodded and clapped his hands together. “Sounds good. Let’s do it.”

They all made to leave the white room. Mary was the first to reach the door, but instead of just opening and walking through it, she stopped on the doorstep. She turned back to look at Jack, and then stood to the side to let him through first. Everyone else stretched and bended to get a look at what had stopped Mary from leaving the room.

Outside the door, Angels had gathered. They stood in a half circle around the door, staring at the motley crew inside the white room. A small, female Angel stood forward, eyes wide with hope and wonder. She started spilling questions at Jack. “We felt it. Did you do it? Is it really possible? Did it work?”

“Uhm…” Jack looked back at Dean. His facial expression made it clear that he had not thought this far ahead. Of course the Angels would sense the grace of an Archangel among them. The power must have rippled through Heaven. Jack seemed to make a decision. “Yes and no… I will inform you about the details at tomorrows information meeting. I promise. Until then, please return to your duties.”

It was not the answer that the Angels had wanted to hear, but they nodded and started dispersing down the hallway, but not without sending curious glances at the odd crowd behind their God.

Dean caught Jack’s eye. “Information meeting?”

Jack smiled. “Yes. The Angels felt like Chuck left them, never giving them any answers or reasoning behind his actions. I wanted to do things differently. So, we have an information meeting each morning where I relay important messages.”

Dean looked at Sam who lifted his eyebrows in surprise. He turned back to Jack and when seeing the expecting eyes on his face, Dean quickly, awkwardly said. “Good on you.” Sam nodded his agreement with a forced smile.

Jack smiled at their approval.

-.-.-.-

They entered what mostly resembled a warehouse building. If said warehouse was brand new and clean. Jack gestured at the empty room; “This is one of our training grounds.”

“Neat.” Dean answered, though without any enthusiasm. It was eery that the place was so clean. “So, what now?”

“I should try to explain how you should use your grace.” Castiel answered.

“Right.” Dean looked around at his family, who followed them with eyes full of concern and nervous energy. Dean caught Cas’ arm before the Angel could start explaining and dragged him away from the group.

Castiel looked puzzled at first but caught onto Dean’s intention. When out of hearing range, he started explaining, gesturing with his hands towards Dean, as if it would help force the knowledge on to hunter. “Grace is celestial energy. It is fierce. In order to control it, you have to be focused and in control of yourself.”

“Explains why you Angels are so uptight.” Dean smirked nervously.

“I’m serious, Dean. In a fit of anger or despair you could risk sending out a flare of pure energy that could hurt someone unintendedly. You have to channel your intentions, and the grace will follow.”

Dean swallowed and nodded his understanding. Well, he guessed that he understood what Castiel meant but how it was going to work in practice was still a bit foggy.

They heard a growling noise behind them. Apparently, Jack had summoned a demon into the room. It seemed to be fighting an invisible force holding its feet in place, keeping it away from everyone in the room.

“Damn, I forgot how fugly you guys really are.” The sight of the true demon gave Dean shivers. Not because of how the beast looked, but because last time he had seen this sight, he had been hanging from a rack in hell.

“This is a high-ranking demon. Are you ready?” Jack asked. He also motioned for the humans in the room to back up and stay behind him.

Dean looked at Castiel, who just nodded solemnly. Dean turned back to the demon. “Bring it on.”

The grip around the demon’s feet loosened, and it stumbled forward. It quickly turned around and ran to attack the group of humans. But it was stopped by an invisible wall. It growled in frustration.

“Sorry sweetheart. It’s just you and me.” Dean stepped forward with more confidence than he felt.

The demon shied back, crawling along the invisible barrier. It could clearly detect what it was facing. Dean couldn’t deny the rush of satisfaction he felt to see a demon fear him this way. For all the times he had had to put on a brave face in front of one of these monsters, knowing they were quicker, stronger, more powerful. Sure, he had skills. But he was still just a man. Until now.

The demon finally acknowledged that escape was impossible. It turned around and stood tall to face its enemy. Eyes turning black when summoning its demonic energies. It gave Dean a clearer view of the creature. It was all monster and darkness. No golden glow like what he could see when he stared at Sam and the others. “The poor bastard you possessed…. He’s dead.”

The demon snickered. “I got tired of his whining.”

The demon lashed out, but Dean easily avoided it. The demon’s movements were easy to follow. He blocked a blow aimed at his head, barely feeling the impact on his arm. He followed through with a hit of his own and happily saw the demon fall and skate across the floor at the impact. Oh, sweet revenge for all the times that had been him.

What he hadn’t foreseen was that the demon skated right to were Castiel was standing. It quickly got back to its feet and lashed at the Angel. Castiel blocked it but the demon quickly followed with another blow that hit it target, forcefully throwing the Angel off his balance.

Dean quickly closed the distance between himself and the demon. He grabbed the demon’s head from behind, while it was still occupied with the Angel on the floor. He had seen Cas and other Angels do this many times before. Cas had said to stay in control. He took a breath and tried imagining his grace run through him and attack the demon, repeating in his head; “ _Smite, smite, smite, smite, smite…_ ”

But nothing happened.

Dean shook his hand, trying to wriggle out some grace.

The demon pulled its head away and turned around, grinning. “What’s the matter, feathers? Can’t get it up?”

Dean answered with a solid hit to the demon’s head, but it kept laughing. It was grinding on him, but he did everything to hold it back. He would not let his anger win. He wouldn’t be that violent, blunt weapon again. And Cas had told him to stay in control. But the demon kept laughing. Just laughing, laughing, laughing…

“Shut up!” Dean didn’t realise that he had yelled out loud. It drowned in the massive energy outlet that surged out from his body. A bright white light filling the room. It hit the barrier around them with a crashing ringing.

Dean fell to his knees, suddenly feeling drained. He looked around, and everyone seemed alright. Sam and the others had shielded their eyes from the light. Jack looked rattled.

The demon had stopped laughing, cowering on the floor to avoid the blast.

Castiel stepped up from where he had earlier been forced to the ground. He walked to the demon, putting his hand on its head. The demon screamed as it was burned from existence. Castiel then walked up to Dean.

“Dean…” Castiel grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. Looking behind Dean, he called out to the others, voice low and threatening. “This training is over!”


	15. I Was Right Beside You When You Went to Hell and Back Again

Dean barely registered what happened next. Maybe Cas zapped them somewhere. It didn’t feel as uncomfortable as usual. Maybe this grace thing did have an upside after all.

He sat on something soft. He looked down. His bedsheets. Oh, it was his own bed.

Castiel squatted down in front of him, holding his hands. “Dean. How are you feeling?”

“I’m alr-… I don’t know. It’s all a bit fuzzy.” Dean blinked, tried to focus.

“Yes, that was quite an energy discharge.”

“Is everyone okay?” Dean finally had something to focus on, something not within himself. They had all seemed alright but-

“Yes, they are fine. Jack’s barrier protected them.” Castiel ensured him with a small smile.

“Good. That’s good.”

For a moment they just sat in silence. Dean kept drifting off in his mind, but he didn’t really have anywhere to drift off to. Except; “What went wrong?”

Castiel looked down. That was never a good sign. “What were you thinking when you tried smiting the demon?”

Dean frowned. “I… Uhm… I tried imagining my grace going to my hand, and… smite the demon.” It sounded almost childish when put like that.

Castiel nodded but it seemed half-hearted. “You need the intention to be established before you wield the grace. Your intention must be clear in order to control and shape it. Simply summoning it will not do.”

Dean pulled back a bit to have a better look at the angel “I wanted the thing dead. Isn’t that enough for intention?”

Sighing, Castiel stood from his position on the floor and sat down next to Dean instead. “I’m afraid not. Smiting is not just about killing. It is about grabbing the evil and twisted essence of the demon and purifying it and thereby remove it from existence. But…” Here, Castiel paused, taking in a breath before continuing. “…I don’t think you just wanted it dead. You wanted it harmed. That much was clear from the energy that you emitted.”

Dean thought about it. And yes. He wanted the thing to hurt. The power he had felt at first had almost been intoxicating. To finally stand unafraid in front of one of those creatures. Especially while being able to see its true form. He had wanted it to burn. To have a little payback for everything him and Sam had been through while fighting demons. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Having powers like these.”

Castiel leaned closer to Dean, offering comfort to the hunter as well as to himself. He felt Dean leaning into the touch. He knew that Dean was not only talking about his grace, but his previous experiences with the Mark of Cain. The Mark had truly fed on all the worst parts of Dean’s character. Enhancing his anger. His upbringing as nothing but a hunter. The way Dean saw himself as nothing but a killer. The grace did not work in the same way, but with the experience that Dean had just had, it must have felt like it. “Your wish to harm made your intensions muddled and impure. You just need to learn to control them. To focus on the purest form of your intention. You have kept control of difficult situations all of your life. I am sure you will learn to control this as well.”

Dean huffed a humourless laugh. “And what good have that ever done for me? Every time I try to control myself, control my anger... It just ends up blowing up. And now, that is pretty damn literal.”

“Dean. I have been an Angel for my entire life. I was born with my grace. Yet, I have also trained all my life to hone my skills and the use of my grace. You have been an Angel, an Archangel none the less, for less than a day. You cannot expect perfection from the very beginning. I wish we had more time to train, at least a century or two. But I have faith that you will learn quickly.”

Dean kissed the top of the Angel’s head, where Castiel was leaning against his shoulder. It was a silent ‘thank you’. He could feel Castiel smile against his arm. The mentioning of Castiel’s previous training made Dean think. “Don’t take this the wrong way. But how did the demon get the drop on you? You’re back on full Angel power, right?”

Castiel sighed against Dean’s arm, a breath of hot air warming the spot-on Dean’s shirt. “The truth is, that I was never very proficient at hand-to-hand combat. Physical combat, anyway. I am much more proficient in controlling and using my grace. For most of my life that was enough. I have been non-corporal for millennia, after all. Against normal demons my… lack of skill is not an issue, but Jack was certainly not holding back with his choice of opponent.”

Dean sighed. “Kid had a bit too much faith in me, huh?”

“No.” Castiel quickly answered. “ _You_ have too _little_ faith in yourself.”

Dean knew that Castiel meant well, but he couldn’t take any more of this… chick flicking. Right now, he wanted to forget all about that stupid training session. He felt tired, but not in the sleep-needing kind of way. He remembered that Castiel didn’t need sleep. So now, he probably didn’t need it either. He was just spent from the fight and that energy explosion. He stretched his back muscles as much as possible without pushing Castiel off of his arm. Something fluttered behind him. Right. “I have wings.”

Castiel laughed at the statement. It didn’t sound like Dean had meant to say it out loud. He turned his head, resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder. This way, he could peer over Dean shoulder at the shield of feathers behind him. They truly lived up to the reputation of an Archangel’s wings in both size and beauty. “Yes, you do.”

“They don’t weigh anything.” Dean tried stretching them, moving them around with his shoulder blades.

“No. They are made of pure grace.” Castiel explained. He couldn’t help but smile at the almost juvenile way Dean was testing his new appendages.

“Huh.” Dean kept ruffling them around. Then he looked at Cas. He could see his wings too, but he had to… tune in on the right channel. The one where Cas was displayed in blue light, shining everywhere. It was odd, seeing them like this. Every time he had seen Cas’ wings, they had seemed corporal, even if only portrayed in shadows. He had always imagined them as white and fluffy, like in any movie or picture he could think of.

Dean finally focused on Castiel’s face. He felt a cold hand grip his insides. Cas had a bruise with a small cut from where the demon had hit him. It must have hit him really hard to draw blood. Jack really hadn’t been holding back. Dean raised his hand and tenderly traced the bruise with his thumb.

Castiel didn’t wince. He just closed his eyes for a second. In that second, golden light filled the small cut, and a moment later the skin was left unblemished. “There. All fixed.”

Dean smiled despite the placating nature of Cas’ words. “You have to teach me that too.”

“Once you learn to control your grace, healing with work just the same.” Castiel smiled confidently. He leant forward, clearly with the intention to give Dean a kiss, but he stopped before he reached his target. His face changed from smiling to serious. “Dean?”

Dean frowned. “What?”

“In the future… No more calling demons - or anything else for that matter - ‘sweetheart’.”


	16. There’s Something Inside Me and I Know It’s Good, But Understanding is Misunderstood

Even though none of them needed sleep now, Castiel had hoped for a couple of hours of quiet rest. It was probably only late afternoon, but it would take time for Dean to regenerate the grace he had just spent. Luckily, Dean’s grace and soul was still pulsing strong and the grace was slowly returning to its original state. Castiel was relieved to see Dean reacting so normally. Normal for an Angel, at least.

But once again their comforting silence was interrupted by outside forces.

Dean jumped up from his pillow as Angel radio blasted through their minds. It was a distress call from Jack, calling for Castiel to some to his office right away.

“I have to go.” Castiel untangled himself, suddenly realising how he and Dean had almost tried to melt together on the bed.

“I’m coming with you.” Dean was out of the bed quicker than lighting.

“Dean, you are still heali-”

“Yeah, but I’m also part of the Angel Squad now, so you’re stuck with me.”

“Well, if you are part of ‘The Squad’, I am sure you can fly there yourself.” Castiel corrected his trench coat.

Dean squinted annoyed at the Angel and growled; “I should never have taught you sarcasm.” When Castiel still hesitated, he added. “The wings are only temporary. And you know I hate flying so let’s not waste any time teaching me, okay? I’ll be an awful student anyway. So, come on, let’s go.”

Castiel rolled his eyes, and reluctantly reached out and grabbed Dean’s shoulder. There was no time for this kind of bickering. If he left Dean, he would surely try to use his wings and end up Jack- knows-where or worse, hurt.

This time, Dean noticed how Castiel’s grace flared and his wings spread before the rooms shifted and they stood in front of Jack.

Jack lifted a hand in greeting but his face remained serious. “Dean. Castiel. Hello!”

“Hi Jack.” Dean started looking around the office, clearly noting how the kid’s life in the bunker had influenced the decor.

“Hello Jack.” Castiel affectionately put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Why did you call me?”

“We’ve just received word that an Empty Reaper has appeared.” Jack sounded tired and irritated.

“Where?” Dean turned away from his adventures in decorating.

“London.”

“Let’s go then.” Dean clapped his hands together in determination and stepped up to Castiel with the expectation that he would take Dean with him.

“Dean, you haven’t mastered your grace yet. We can send a Seraph to deal with this incident.” Castiel looked at him pointedly.

Dean stepped closer, looking earnestly at his Angel. “This is why I went through this whole thing. I need to go see if I can… just do _something_.”

Castiel recognised the look. He had seen it too many times before. Not only in Dean, but also in Sam. This pleading please-let-me-be-useful look. When he first saw this look on the brothers, he had wondered if they had a death wish. They were just humans. How could they possibly be of use? They couldn’t even follow the simple orders from the Angels. Later, he learned the true meaning behind the look. They simply could not live with not doing anything if they had even the smallest of chances of helping. Especially if it was for family. Castiel had not only learned this. He had started living by it too. “Then I’m coming with you.”

“Cas…” Dean was doing this to keep the Angel safe. Was that so damn hard to accept?

“No time to argue. The Reaper can’t keep the Empty Reaper at bay for long. Jack, send us there.” Castiel cut Dean off.

With a snap, the wooden floor under their feet was replaced by asphalt.

Dean realised that the halls of Heaven didn’t have a smell. But this alley certainly did. Despite all the things he had seen and smelled in his life, this sudden stench of week-old trash and bodily leftovers from a late night out made him gag.

A sudden yell from further down the narrow path drew their attention. Castiel, unaffected by their surroundings, moved towards the sound.

Dean slowly followed. He tried to shield his nose from the smell, but instead he almost tripped over something laying across the path. He looked down and saw the legs of a dead man, half hidden behind trash cans. He had been shot, the blood soaking through a once-upon-a-time-white shirt. It was still glistening, indicating that he hadn’t been dead for long.

“Dean!” Cas’ voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He ran down the length of the alley to the point where it turned left. He found Cas standing in front of a Reaper, who was standing in front of the same man that Dean had just been looking at. In front of the three of them stood a human shape, though it was pitch black without any features. It looked like a solid shadow.

“Please, come with me. Quickly.” The Reaper, a kind but desperate looking woman, stretched her hand towards the soul.

“Stay away from me! What the bloody hell is going on!?” The soul pushed itself into the corner of the alley, as far away as it could come from everyone. Poor bastard.

“Where did it go?” The Reaper turned and asked Castiel.

“I don’t know…” Castiel was looking around them, trying to find their enemy. Dean could see his grace surging through him, making his eyes shine blue. He was preparing for an attack but didn’t know where it would come from.

It finally hit Dean. He was the only one who could see the Empty Reaper right now. It must have hidden itself from the others when Cas arrived. Jack’s assumption had been right. Finally, something was going their way. “Hey! Ink spot! Get the hell away from them!”

The Empty Reaper turned towards him. Despite its smooth surface, it seemed to be contemplating him, wondering how he could see it.

Dean stepped forward and aimed a hit to its head. He felt it hit, but instead of hitting something solid, his hand sank into the black mass. It had no temperature or real mass. The closest comparison he could think of was water, but that didn’t really cover it.

Damnit. He pulled his hand back. He had hoped that he could avoid the whole grace issue, but physical violence was not going to cut it.

The black mass didn’t seem to take Dean’s attack lightly. Before Dean could gather his control, it shot out its arm, sending out a black gooey stream that hit Dean in the chest. It swung him back against brick wall.

Dean registered the bricks cracking behind him. He was thankful that he was no longer human, or his bones would most likely had received the same treatment.

Before Dean could shake it off, the Empty Reaper attacked again, this time sending a black, solid thin spear at him. Dean ducked just in time, but the spear still grazed his side. And sonofabitch that hurt. He growled in pain and grabbed his side, feeling warm liquid covering his hand.

“Dean!” The worried voice cut through the pain. Dean looked up and saw Castiel running towards him.

The Empty Reaper turned to look at the Angel. Dean immediately read the change in the body language of the shadow figure. “Cas! Look out!”

But Castiel couldn’t see the Empty Reaper intercepting his path. It struck the Angel from behind with a force so great that Castiel bounced of the pavement when he hit it before landing again, knocked out.

“Cas!” Dean pushed himself off the ground and tumbled to check on him. He had a bleeding wound where he had met with the asphalt.

“What are you doing!?” The Reaper called from the corner.

Dean tore his eyes away from Cas, just in time to see the Empty Reaper preparing a new attack against him and Cas, a new spear already shaping in its hand.

“No!” Dean yelled. He threw himself over Castiel to shield him and raised his hand in a desperate defence against the coming attack. He felt a surge run through him and a bright light shot out of his hand.

The Empty Reaper screeched an ear-piercing sound. It seemed to become unstable. The smooth black surface burst and bubbled, like boiling water, under the onslaught of the blue light. Finally, it gave up on keeping it shape and splattered against the wall behind it.

Dean let down his hand, returning his focus to the Angel beneath him. “Cas?” He was still knocked out, but all angelic life signs seemed alright.

He heard steps behind him and looked up to see the Reaper approaching. She looked confused, apparently still unable to see the Empty Reaper, even if it was just black batter sliding down brick. “Is it gone?”

“Yeah. Well, sort of. It’s… a bit all over the place.” Dean gestured at the wall.

The Reaper looked at the wall, but still finding nothing, it quickly looked back at Dean. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Dean answered automatically. He looked over the Reaper’s shoulder at the balled-up soul of the shooting victim. “Hey pal! Piece of advice? Go with her.”

The man just whimpered in answer. The Reaper turned around to go back and see if she could get him to come with her.

“Alright…” Dean turned Cas’ face and as gently as possible slapped his cheek. “Come on, Cas. You’re my ride home, after all. Wake up, love.”

Castiel slowly opened his eyes. He squinted at Dean’s face, focusing in on him. “Dean?”

“Hey you.” Dean smiled with relief.

Castiel’s eyes suddenly widened and he fought to get up. “The Empty Reaper…”

“Don’t worry about. It’s taken care of.” Dean put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder to slow him down. “Easy now.”

“Taken care of?” Castiel looked around but didn’t see anything. He guessed that he shouldn’t be surprised. If the Empty Reaper left a body, it would most likely still be invisible to him.

“Yeah, it’s splattered all over that wall. Like doughy graffiti.” Dean pointed at the wall.

“You did it.” Castiel smiled.

“Guess I did.” Dean tried smiling as well, but he was suddenly reminded of the wound to his side. He grasped at it, still feeling fresh, warm blood against his hand.

Castiel noticed and grabbed Dean’s shoulders. “Let’s get back to Heaven.”

They both looked back at where the Reaper and soul had been moment before, just in time to see the shooting victim disappear into a white light. The Reaper turned around to look at them, nodding at them before disappearing.


	17. But All I've Ever Learned from Love, Was How to Shoot Somebody Who Outdrew You

Dean had expected Cas to bring them to his room again. Instead, they popped into an unfamiliar room, yet Dean saw a few features that reminded him of the bunker. But not his room. Cas’. Cas had always been very minimalistic in his decorating, but the layout of the room was exactly like his old room in the bunker. Bed, table, two chairs, bookcase. All in better quality and more comfortable than what the bunker had provided. But unlike his old room, this one actually looked lived in. There were books in the bookcase – not many, but they looked very old – and a few, small artefacts on the flat surfaces. Some of the artefacts looked ancient. Others were almost childlike, like a small seashell and a spotted stone.

“Your room?” Dean asked, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Yes.” Castiel simply answered. He was more worried with the bloodied hand that Dean was still pressing to his side. “Do you need me to heal you?”

“If you don’t mind. But take care of yourself first, will you?” Dean nodded his head towards the bloodied bruise on Castiel’s forehead. He looked intensely as the Angel’s skin glowed and left no sign of ever having been in contact with the asphalt. Dean let a small laughter slip, but quickly stopped as his muscles pulled at the wound “Heh-ah… I should be able to do that, right? Heal myself? So why am I slowly bleeding out here?”

Castiel allowed a small smile to slip through his worry. “Sit down.”

Dean did as asked. Castiel gently pulled up his t-shirt. It wasn’t strictly necessary, but he wanted to make sure that there was nothing special about the wound since it had been inflicted by a weapon created of the Empty Reaper. He had seen the Empty Reaper pop in and out of existence during the attack as it had manifested to attack Dean.

“Why did you bring us here?” Dean winced but tried to distract his mind from Cas’ probing.

“I did not want to worry your family unnecessarily. And in case we need help from Jack, he is much closer to our current location.”

“Jack?” Dean frowned.

“You were wounded by a weapon created from the material of the Empty. To my knowledge, this is a first. They usually just push the Seraphs and Reapers away and take the soul. It clearly recognised you as a threat.” Castiel couldn’t keep out a bit of pride in his voice.

“How nice of it.” Dean winced again when Castiel prodded at the wound. He tried to distract himself and pointed at the small bookcase. “What’s with all the knick-knacks?”

Castiel found nothing alarming about the wound except the sheer fact that it was there. He put his hand over the wound before looking to where Dean was pointing. “We were always taught to protect and appreciate God’s creations. Some Angels might consider small items like these sentimental and unfitting for an Angel. But to me, they were a symbol of the beauty of what our Father had created.”

“You collected them on Earth?” Dean looked down at the grace shining into the wound by his side, erasing wound, blood and all.

“Yes. Most of them are millennia old, from the early days of man, when God and the Angels were more… involved.” The wound was healed, and it would have been appropriate to lower the t-shirt. Luckily, Castiel didn’t have to act appropriately. Instead, he allowed his arm to circle Dean’s mid, appreciating the firm, warm, unblemished skin. He kissed Dean’s shoulder through his t-shirt as he said. “You did it, Dean. You banished the Empty Reaper.”

“Yeah…” Dean leaned into the touch. “I think I get it now, Cas. Jack said that this grace is mine. So, it doesn’t work like an Angel’s grace. It works like me. And I’m not in control. I’m pretty damn far from cold and collected. I try really hard to be. But I’m not. I act before I think. Hell, I rarely think at all. I just go with my gut and guns blazing. And my grace is no different. It runs on instinct and emotion and… its unstable. The complete opposite of control. When the Empty Reaper was about to attack you again, all that went through my head was to keep you safe. And boom. The Reaper was splattered on the wall.”

Cas smiled. “You have always put the people you love before everything else. I guess I should have thought of it much sooner. Of course, your motivation would be love. There is no purer intention in your heart than that.”

“You keep saying things like that.” Dean sighed.

Castiel frowned, analysing Dean’s tone of voice. “It makes you uncomfortable.”

“I just… I don’t know how to respond, you know? I don’t know… what you expect of me…” Dean had rarely felt as vulnerable as right now. This. This was the essence of so many of his doubts about him and Cas. The Angel had so often complimented him, told him about what a good man he was. In return, Dean had slapped him on the shoulder and, on a good day, said ‘thanks buddy’. Dean had said ‘I need you’ or ‘we’re family’. Generic, impersonal statements.

Castiel brought him out of the black hole he had started digging for his thoughts. “I expect nothing from you, Dean. I do not expect any declarations. I know from the many years I’ve known you that your small actions speak louder than any words. You just smote an Empty Reaper for me. That is all I need to know.” Castiel placed a kiss on Dean’s shoulder. “I wish that you will hear my words and believe them. And I hope for your continuing love.”

Dean lifted his head so quickly that Castiel raised his own in response. “You have it, Cas. I really do love you.”

“I know.” Castiel smiled and kissed the hunter, who desperately kissed him back, putting all his emotion into the sweet action. Castiel reluctantly pulled back. “I heard you talking to me in the alley. Some of it at least. The important bit.”

Dean frowned. “…’You’re my ride home’?”

Castiel laughed. The rumbling in his chest tickled Dean’s arm and he couldn’t help but to smile as well, seeing his Angel so happy over something so simple. When he caught his breath, Castiel stammered; “N-No. You said… You called me ‘love’. You said, ‘Wake up, love’.”

“Huh…” Dean hadn’t even realised. It had just slipped. But if it made Cas this happy…

Dean caught Castiel’s mouth again. Still desperate, but for a completely different reason. Castiel quickly responded, the hand on Dean’s abdomen changing from caressing to gripping.

“You know what, love? This bed. Is way too neat.” Dean started pressing down on Castiel’s chest, guiding him down on the bed. He slowly started unbuttoning the white shirt. “I suggest we mess it up a bit. You okay with that, love?”

“Please…” It was more breath than voice.

Dean started kissing down the Angel’s chest, enjoying the feeling of the erratic breaths underneath his touch. He started noticing a different sensation compared to how their first time together. As Cas started losing control of himself, his grace started shining through. It flared and pulsated with his breaths and sighs. Instead of the normal bluish white, it became warmer, more golden. Dean felt the warmth from Cas’ body on a new level. “You’re shining, love. It’s beautiful. You’re beautiful.”

“You too. You will never know how bright you shine.” Cas pulled Dean up for a searing kiss.

All sensations were given a new dimension as body caressed body and grace caressed grace. It left no questions between them, no words that needed to be said. By instinct, they knew what the other felt, what the other wanted. It doubled every electrical pulse that ran through them.

When they could no longer hold back, every shadow was banished from the room by the golden light that exploded as they clung to each other.


	18. On the Wrong Side of Heaven, and the Righteous Side of Hell

Following their first success, Jack didn’t hesitate to send them out again when the next Empty Reaper appeared. This time, they were sent to Thailand. Dean would have liked a bit of sightseeing. He had never been to Asia. Hell, he had barely ever left the States, just the occasional trip to Canada and Mexico, and his one trip to Europe to pick up Crowley’s bones. He could blame his fear of flying but it was only part of it. He could have dealt with it. But he never felt like he could take the liberty to go on a holiday longer than a night out at a bar. What if something happened to Sam or dad while he was gone? What if someone got hurt or killed. While he was sipping margaritas on a beach? So, holidays were never a thing.

And now he was finally abroad, but still had a job to do. He only got a quick look up and down the street, seeing many colourful lights from shops and restaurants. The sky was almost pitch black, clearly late evening or night, but the air was hot and heavy. He suspected that he would have sweat through his clothes in less than two minutes, had he not been an Angel and suddenly unaffected by such trifles.

A yell from behind the small house they had landed in front put both him and Castiel into a run. They ended up in a small garden, filled with coloured lights, garden figurines and exotic flowers.

The scenario in front of them was very much like previously in the alley. A Reaper desperately trying to protect a soul from an Empty Reaper. This time, the soul was an elderly, scared woman.

The Empty Reaper was clearly visible to the Reaper, who desperately launched at the shadow with a small scythe. But the Empty Reaper just let the weapon hit and go right through it, leaving a rift in the blackness for a moment before closing again.

“Get down!” Dean ordered the Reaper. It only needed to look once at the Angels before grabbing the soul behind it and ducking them down in the corner of the garden.

The Empty Reaper looked up at them. Dean felt how it studied them. Then it stepped back, slowly moving away.

“So, you’ve heard of us, huh?” Dean stepped forward. “Good. No need for introductions, then.”

At that moment, a bobbling black portal started forming on a wall behind the Empty Reaper. Dean felt an ice-cold hand grip his insides at the sight. Last time he had seen something like this… But it couldn’t be. The Empty couldn’t enter their world without being summoned. So, it had to be the Empty Reaper trying to escape. The cold grip was replaced by a burning anger towards the creature on the other end of the black hole.

“Oh, you’re not going anywhere!” Dean growled and lifted his hand. The image of Cas’ tear-filled eyes burned in his mind and fuelled the surge of grace that he aimed at the Empty Reaper. It was stronger than the first time, and the black figure disintegrated into an oily puddle on the green grass.

Dean took a few deep breaths before turning around to look at Cas. He didn’t want the Angel to see him this agitated. Castiel nodded at him with a small smile. Dean tried to smile back, casually saying; “See, I’m finally getting the hang of this.”

Castiel put his hand on Dean’s arm. “It is not wrong to be angry sometimes, Dean, as long as it doesn’t consume you. Your motivation was clearly still pure.”

Dean couldn’t help but curse the Angel for looking right through him. Again.

Castiel went to talk to the Reaper. Dean looked toward the sky, seeing a bright, white full moon. He lowered his eyes to look around the garden. And there she was. The old woman, sitting in a basket chair with a small smile on her face. Peaceful. The sight made Dean smile. For all the violent and early deaths that he had seen in his life, it was nice to see a natural death.

The serenity was disturbed by a sudden voice. A voice that was not supposed to be here. Sam’s. Dean turned around to locate his brother before realising that it was all in his head.

_“Hey, Dean. Uhm… I don’t know if this works, but Bobby and I think we might have something. So, if you can tear yourself away from Cas and get your ass here, that would be great. We’re in the Angel library. So… uhm… Amen?”_

Dean hadn’t realised that Castiel had grabbed his shoulder and was looking concerned at him. “Dean? _Dean_?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just heard Sam.” Dean shook his head as if to clear his mind.

Castiel smiled that infuriating, cheeky grin. “Congratulations. You’ve just received your first prayer.”

“Oh, shut up.” Dean grunted. It didn’t hurt, but it felt a little invasive and he imagined that he could still hear an echo of the words in his mind. “Does it feel like that all the time?”

“You get used to it.” Castiel shrugged. “Let’s go.”

-.-.-.-

They popped in right in front of Sam. The younger Winchester had been carrying a pitcher of water in one hand and some stacked glasses in the other, but it all dropped to the floor with a crash.

“Heya, Sammy.” Dean smirked and looked down to the shattered glass and back up at his illegally high brother. “Surprised to see me? _You_ are the one who called _me_ , you know?”

Sam forgot about the glassware, eyes going round with fascination. “It worked? You heard my prayer?”

“Amen, brother.” Dean finally stepped away from Sam. He hadn’t realised how close he had been standing. Was this another Angel symptom? Erasure of the concept of personal space?

Bobby stood up from a table that was buried in books. “Hey shuttlecock.”

“Shut up.” Dean hugged the older hunter.

“Did you find the Empty Reaper?” Dean turned around at the sound of Jack’s voice to find that he had been hiding behind Sam’s massive figure.

“We did.” Castiel confirmed. “It was eliminated.”

“Good. The Reapers are very happy with your help.” Jack smiled.

“So, why did you call us?” Dean asked, eyeing all the books with mild disgust. He had just gotten back in the field. They better not be calling him back to do research.

“We found this old tome…” Sam petted a book that rivalled the size of a couch cushion. “…and it mentions something about the Empty that might be interesting. It says all the things we already know; Older than everything, Angels and Demons go there when they die and dream of their biggest regrets in life, despair, sorrow, yada-yada-yada. But. Then is says; ‘To even out the Empty, the void must be filled by what it is not’.”

Sam looked up at the confused faces of his peers.

“’By what it is not’?” Castiel frowned. Sam nodded.

Dean opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before landing on. “So whatever that means, it would kill the Empty? I thought we talked about that and agreed that it was a bad idea?”

“Yes. I still fear that removing the Empty would have catastrophic impacts on the universe and our reality.” Jack confirmed.

Sam stood up in full-on lecture mode. “I know we talked about that. But we can all agree that the Empty is not a good place for anyone to end up. Maybe the Demons deserve it, but the Angels? The Reapers? Other beings, who did good things in life, but just happened to be celestial? They are all laying in a restless sleep in there, just because of how they were born. And now, it is taking human souls too. Good people”

Dean winced at the pain still audible in Sam’s voice after all these years. When they had discovered that he had Demon blood in him, he had felt hunted for how he was born, despite it being of no fault of his. He wasn’t even born like that… but he had felt like it. Hell, Dean had even told him that if he didn’t know him, he would have wanted to hunt him. Those words made his throat burn, even so many years later. Dean swallowed. “You’re right. But we can’t risk the whole freaking universe for this. So, what do we do?”

“I don’t know.” Sam admitted. Shaking his head and lightly pushing at the tome. “This is all we’ve got.”

Dean stepped up to his brother, not touching – and keeping reasonable social distance – but looking at him with all the faith he had in his little brother. “We’ll figure this out, okay? I know you. There’s nothing you can’t crack.”

Sam smiled weakly and nodded his appreciation of the words. Even though it felt good to see Dean just a bit in touch with his emotions, it also reminded him of a goodbye speech in an abandoned barn. It felt like eons ago, and yet the wound was still as fresh as if it were yesterday. He cleared his throat. “Right, so, uhm… What is the Empty not? What is the opposite of Empty?”

“Full.” Dean stated the obvious with a shrug.

“No…” Castiel cocked his head in contemplation. “When I first met the Empty, it asked me; ‘What was there before God and the Darkness and creation?’. I answered, ‘nothing’. The Empty is nothing. So the opposite would be ‘something’.”

“Something?” Dean asked sceptically. “As in just something? Anything?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Sam’s forehead was furrowed in thought, that detective’s brain of his picking up clues. “It might have been Empty before God and Amara, but it’s not Empty now. It’s filled with the spirits of Angels and Demons. Think about how many of those have died since creation. It must be packed.”

“So the Empty isn’t Empty anymore… Awesome…” Dean muttered.

“No, it isn’t. It actually seemed quite annoyed by-” Castiel was cut off by a piercing siren. He ducked his head and tried to cover his ears, but it resonated within his head. It was one of the most terrifying sounds on Heaven.

“What the hell is that!?” Castiel looked up at Dean’s outcry to find him in much the same position, face twisted in pain from the loud screeching.

“What’s going on?” Sam had run to his brother, holding his shoulder. Whatever happened, he couldn’t hear it.

“We are under attack!” Jack stepped up, his eyes large with alarm. “It’s the Empty. Its attacking Heaven’s gates!”


	19. And Up Through the Ashes, I Rose Like Wildfire

“We need to go.” Castiel stood up next to Jack, ready to leave.

“I’m coming too.” Dean tried to shake the ringing out of his head.

“I would argue with you, but I know you wouldn’t listen.” Castiel scolded fondly.

“What about us?” Sam cut in, looking worried at Dean. He didn’t want to lose him again. Everything had just some together.

“Keep looking for something that could help us win.” Jack pleaded. With a final nod to both Sam and Bobby, he snapped his fingers, sending himself and the two Angels to the very front door of Heaven.

Dean was not sure what he had expected. He had probably imagined something out of a cartoon; Large, golden gates. But apparently, he should had taken the concept of ‘Pearly Gates’ more literally.

It appeared as a massive, solid door. It was white, but with the shine of mother-of-pearl. It was engraved with Enochian symbols and enforced with grace, running through the symbols. Everything around the door seemed incorporeal. There were walls and floor, but it was more of a sensation than an actual physical surface.

Behind the gate, something was slamming hard against the door, sending quakes through it, making the ground underneath them rumble.

Around them, Angels popped up one after the other, called to battle by the siren.

Jack stepped forward, putting his hand on the door. The grace reacted to his touch and seemed to strengthen underneath him. The quakes subsided a bit. When he returned to Dean and Castiel, his eyes were crinkled with worry. “The Empty is much stronger this time. The souls from Earth must be strengthened it. It is probably very irritated by us killing its Reapers.”

“We need to defend Heaven.” Castiel stated. “The Seraphim may not be able to harm them, but we can keep it away from the gate.”

“Maybe I can hurt it.” Dean suggested. “I can hurt the Empty Reapers, maybe I can also hurt the Empty.”

“But they can also hurt you.” Castiel urged.

“And you. But you’re not stepping back, and neither am I!” Dean growled. “We’re soldiers, Cas. And soldiers fight!”

“Right now, I have to send everyone to the other side of the gate. So save your bickering till later.” Jack said frustratedly at his fathers. In the same motion, he lifted an Archangel blade at Dean. “I don’t think this will work on them. None of the Angel blades do. But it can hold them back if you cut of a leg here and there.” When Dean accepted the blade, Jack stepped away again to prepare to send all the Angels away.

Dean quickly stepped forward, pressing an urgent kiss on Castiel’s lips. He returned it fully. Dean pulled back far enough to look into the Angel’s eyes and begged. “Don’t you dare die out there.”

Before Castiel could answer, they heard a snap echo through their heads, and they were transported from the insides of Heaven to the front of the gate.

Dean allowed a second to register that the outside of the gate was an intangible as the insides. The only difference was that the white fogginess was overrun by what looked like Empty Reapers. All pitch-black bodies slamming against the gate, crawling on top of each other to tear at the pearly, white barrier. There were many more than he had imagined.

When the Angels appeared, some of the figures turned and attacked them instead. Unlike the stoic Reapers, these acted like wild beast, attacking anything and everything they came into contact with.

Dean immediately ran forward and dragged an Empty Reaper off the back of another Angel. For a moment he feared that his hands would go right through the gooey mass, but even these monsters had to obey to basic laws of physics. Either they were corporal, or they were not. Before it could change its physical state, he summoned a blast of grace to blast it away.

He turned to find his next target, but his steps were stopped by an Angel falling in his way. It was bloodied and stabbed in several places. Wounds that would never kill her. But she had to pull away to collect her grace and heal herself. Valuable moments where she couldn’t fight.

Dean aimed the Archangel blade at the Empty Reaper that hovered over the Angel, but the bastard saw him coming and the blade sliced into a wobbly mush that heal itself a second later.

Before he could collect and aim an attack with his grace instead, something grabbed him around the neck from behind, dragging him backwards. He clawed at the arm, but it felt like a steel pipe closing around his windpipe. Suddenly he felt sharp spikes forming from the arm, cutting into his skin. He might not need oxygen anymore, but he very much preferred that his head stayed on his shoulders.

With a growl, he felt his grace rising in him. But if he released an uncontrolled blast, it would not only hit the Empty Reaper behind him, but every Angel within his proximity. His mind flashed back to the uncontrolled blast in the warehouse.

Dean grabbed the Archangel blade and stabbed at the creature behind him, aiming at the shoulder. He heard the creature screech and the grip around him loosened. It was just the opening he needed to twist around in the grip and put his hand on the blank face of the Empty Reaper and let go of all the built-up grace.

The blast was still powerful enough to push away any other beings around him. There was absolutely nothing left of the black mush.

A hand grabbed his shoulder, and he turned, ready to defend himself, but instead of blank nothingness, he was met with blue eyes. “Cas…”

“Are you alright?” Castiel already looked beaten and tired.

Dean suddenly became aware of his own body. He felt tired, his grace felt smaller and blood was running down his neck. But he said; “Yeah, I’m fine.” Castiel raised his hand towards his neck to heal him, but Dean batted his hand away and nodded at the Angel’s own wounds. “Save it, Cas. Heal yourself first.”

Another Empty Reaper lashed at them and Dean made quick work of it. But the blast was much smaller than the previous, clearly running low of energy. Looking around, all Angels looked to be in the same state. Wounded, loosing energy, quickly tiring because they had so few means to slow their enemy.

As if hearing his prayer, his head suddenly filled with his brother’s desperate voice. _“Dean, Cas, Jack. Listen, we think we might have something. If any of you can come. Please.”_

Dean looked at Castiel, and he had clearly heard it as well. Dean started shouting. “Jack! Get us back in there! Get us back to-“

The chaos disappeared. All Angels were suddenly back on the peaceful side of the Pearly Gate.

Jack came rushing through the Angels, looking more dishevelled than hurt, but as he made his way towards them, his eyes darted around his Angels with great concern. “This is not going well.”

“No argument here.” Dean looked around, finding a lot of curious eyes looking back at him.

“We need to hear what Sam and Bobby has found. But we can’t just leave the other Angels.” Castiel looked around at his brothers and sisters.

“Yes, you can.” A voice said behind them. They turned, and Dean recognised the Angel he had seen wounded in the field.

“Camael… We need to keep the gate closed.” Jack pleaded.

“And we will keep it closed. If you have a way to stop the attack, then go.” Camael stood strong. Angels gathered behind her, nodding their agreement.

Jack smiled and looked thankful and proud at his winged family. “Alright… Thank you everyone. Focus your grace on strengthening the gate. We will be back as quickly as possible.”

Jack sent a flash of light at the Angels, healing their wounds and boosting their grace. Then he snapped his fingers and the library appeared in front of them.

Sam and Bobby jumped up from his seat when they popped in. Even though Sam looked around at all of them, his eyes quickly rested on the drying blood running down his brother’s neck. “Dean?”

“I’m alright, Sammy.” Dean put up a hand to reassure his brother. In the quiet, Dean noticed that his voice was a bit hoarse. Sam clearly also noticed.

“Sam. You said you found something.” Castiel cut in, voice urgent with guilt from leaving his fellow Angels.

Sam shook his head, removing the image of what might have had happened to his brother. “Uh, yeah. We think we know how we can fight the Empty. Remember what Cas said when he returned from the Empty?” At the empty looks he received, he quickly clarified. “The first time, I mean. He said that he ‘annoyed an [ancient cosmic being](https://supernatural.fandom.com/wiki/Cosmic_Entity) so much that it sent him back’. So, what if the opposite of the Empty isn’t ‘something’? What if it is life?” Empty eyes turned confused and Sam rolled his eyes at his slow audience. “Think about it! Before God and Amara, there was nothing. When God and Amara appeared, they created and left. Since then, all the Empty has known has been the dead spirits of celestial beings.”

“You might have a point.” Castiel frowned. “It was very adamant about wanting silence and going back to sleep.”

“Exactly.” Sam said enthusiastically, but his face quickly fell. “I just don’t know what to do with it.”

A moment of silence followed while everyone was searching their brains for ideas.

“Uhm… I might have an idea.” Dean smiled a bit insecurely.

“A good idea?” Sam already knew that smile, but he had to ask.

“Come on, Sammy. When have we ever worked with good ideas?” Dean turned to Jack. “We are going to need some transportation.”


	20. Rebel Souls

_New God… Stupid, new God, not following the rules… God should stay away… Should be respectful… Young, rebellious, ruining everything… I was first, I am superior, I am older, I want quiet…_

_This will teach him… Leave what belongs, no more resurrections… If he can break the boundaries, so can I… Take what’s his like he takes what’s mine…_

_Tired, tired, tired… Want to sleep… Keep everything quiet… But time to fight, to take control, to take what’s mine…_

The barrier breached. Again.

“Empty!” Jack called into the black void.

_Has come to beg… Time to teach, teach, teach… Teach rebellious God…_

The Empty shaped in front of Jack, taking the shape of Jack right in front of him like a freestanding mirror. Except the Empty Jack looked manic, almost giddy. “God, God, God… You’ve come once again…”

“We need to talk.” Jack stated calmly.

The Empty looked behind Jack to stare at the small group behind him, especially eyeing Castiel with a mix of hunger and hate. “Come to give me back what’s mine?”

“Hell no.” Dean growled at the manic Jack figure.

“Oh, looky looky… The new Archangel… Pretty, shiny… Destroying my Reapers… You will be mine too someday, you know? Yes, yes, you will… Will rest for eternity here…” The manic smile stretched wider.

“That’s what we need to talk about.” Jack stated. “This war needs to end. The souls of Earth belong in Heaven.”

“No, no, no, no, no… Just because you are losing, you don’t get to go back… You changed the rules, coming here, taking what’s mine… I will break your Heaven like you broke my Void… If you want noise, I will make noise!” The hissing echoed in the void.

“It looks like you give me no choice…” Jack snapped his fingers, and suddenly every hunter and ally they had ever known popped into the Empty. There was chatter and wondering all over the dark place.

The Empty looked around, and hissed “What is this?”

“This…” Jack gestured around them. “Is life.”

Dean spread his arms, gesturing to all the people who started gathering and making themselves comfortable. “We just went and got some of our friends. You see, they are all just as crazy as we are, so they agreed to join a party in your neighbourhood.”

Somewhere music started playing. Judging by the enthusiastic ‘Rock on!” that followed, it must have been Ash who had brought a boosted ghetto blaster.

“No, no, no…” The Empty turned around itself. It didn’t seem to know where to start, who to look at, who to talk to. It ran its hands over its ears, trying to shield itself from the noisy surroundings. It finally decided to focus back on its main threat, hissing at Jack. “I will kill them all!”

“No, you won’t.” Jack stated coldly. “They are my creations and under my protection.”

“I will bring my Reapers!” The Empty hissed.

“These people are already dead. Heaven has claimed their souls. You cannot take them.” Jack’s corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile, even though he tried to keep calm and neutral.

The Empty growled. “Stop them. Stop them. Be QUIET!”

But everyone ignored it. From somewhere, beer cans were popped open and cheers sounded out through the void.

“Come on, Empty.” Dean smirked. “You’ve been cooped up here for far too long. Live a little!”

Everyone seemed to forget about the Empty , even in these black, bare surroundings. They were all here, all together. They were all that mattered. A family unrelated by blood, whose paths had crossed because of a pair of wayward brothers. They had all amounted to something much bigger than themselves due to the sacrifices and bravery of the Winchesters. So when asked if they would come to the end of the universe to raise a little hell, they had had no doubts or hesitations.

A laughter rolled from one group of hunters. Jodi bullied Bobby into a dance, earning more laughter. Sam’s laughter was quickly quenched when Eileen dragged him into the improvised dancefloor as well. More people joined the gathering, a circle forming around the dancing couples.

The growling Empty was clearly not happy with being ignored. But Jack stood his ground, watching it intensely. Even though he had confidently stated that the Empty could not claim their souls, it was more a wild guess than fact. No one had ever heard of a soul being reaped twice. But that didn’t mean that the Empty couldn’t hurt them. But once again, the humans had put their safety aside to help the good fight. Humans truly were extraordinary.

Suddenly, the black floor started bubbling in random spots around the floor. For a moment, they feared an attack, but instead, hands and heads started popping up from beneath the surface. They seemed to be covered in the black mass, making it impossible to identify which spirits were trying to rise from the void.

“No! NO! Go back to sleep! SLEEP! SLEEP!” The Empty started yelling at the appearing shapes. When they kept rising, it once again turned back to Jack. “Stop the noise! STOP! STOP! You are waking them!”

“Remove your Reapers from Heaven’s gate and we will talk.” Jack stated calmly.

“NO!” The Empty shouted back, but it was still occupied with running between the appearing figures, fruitlessly urging them to go back to sleep.

“Remove your Reapers!” Jack commanded.

The Empty let out a rumbling growl that for a moment drown the music and laughter. It was gripping its head in frustration, breathing heavily.

Then it released a tearless sob. “Fine! Just stop them! Stop them all!”

Jack looked at the people behind him. He once again snapped his fingers and everyone but him, Sam, Dean and Castiel popped back to Heaven. Sam smoothed down his hair after Eileen’s eager dancing. Dean casually sipped the beer that Ash had handed him.

The figures around them merged back into the black floor. Looking at the Empty, it seemed to be using a lot of energy to put them down to sleep again.

“And your Reapers?” Jack lowered his head, glaring at the Empty.

The flustered Empty Jack looked up at the calm Jack. Without saying or doing anything, bubbling portals started appearing behind the Empty and Reapers stepped through them.

Dean and Sam shared a look. They were outnumbered. Sure, they had God on their side, but they were playing on the Empty’s turf. And for all they knew, Jack and Dean were the only ones with a chance against the Empty Reapers and the Empty itself.

“Now what?” The Empty just sneered.

“Give me back the human souls.” Jack demanded.

“They are mine. Already reaped by me.” The Empty parroted Jack’s words from earlier with a sick smile.

“You can hand them over if you want to.” Jack stated with more confidence than he felt.

The smile faltered on the Empty. It held out a hand, and balls of light started rising and detaching from the black floor beneath them. They rose first as black bubbles until the tar finally let go of them and they could soar freely. The black emptiness was illuminated by the power of all the souls that the Empty had reaped from Earth.

The Empty lowered its hand, giving up its claim on the souls. Jack quickly snapped his fingers, sending them to Heaven where they belonged.

“Now LEAVE!” The Empty yelled, sending ripples through the floor.

“Not yet.” Everyone turned to look at Sam.

“Sam.” Jack said in a warning tone. They had not had a lot of time to plan this alternative counterattack, but they had gotten what they came for. They just needed to agree not to interrupt each other anymore and go back to Heaven, safe and sound.

“We can’t leave all the Angels here.” Sam said. “They deserve to rest peacefully.”

“The Angels are mine. Have always been mine!” The Empty yelled.

“Sam is right.” Castiel agreed. “No Angel who has performed his duty deserves to be stranded here.”

Castiel looked straight at Jack, and God lowered his head in understanding. How could he save one Angel, just because he was special to him, and leave all the others in a restless state of despair and regret.

Jack turned back to the Empty. “Can we talk? Please?”

The Empty frowned at the sudden change in tone. No one had ever spoken to it like this before. God and the Darkness had been bothersome, young creatures. Making messes and noises and loud, loud, loud… Never talked. Babbling. And then they left. One, last big noise, and then they were gone. Just sending the scraps from their table to the Empty when they lost their lives. Never talk.

The Empty frowned at Jack. “Speak.”

“I wish for us to be at peace. To find a balance between my creations and your void. We are equally important for all of existence. But I also wish for everyone to receive a death worthy of their lives.” When the Empty didn’t say anything or interrupt, Jack cocked his head and studied his mirror image. “What do you want?”

The Empty seemed surprised by the question. “Quiet. Sleep.”

“Do you really need the spirits of the Demons and Angels to survive?” Jack continued, realising that they knew so little about this ancient entity. It did not seem lonely, but it had been alone for so long, probably never learning how to deal with other beings.

“No.” The Empty hissed. “I used to be alone. They just land here when you are done with them.”

“Then how about we make a deal?” Jack asked. “Allow me to take my Angels home. I will provide a new, peaceful resting place for them. But I don’t have the power to take in all these spirits. So, we will let the demons and celestial beings who lost their way come to you. You will have fewer spirits in your realm, and hopefully it will be quieter for you. But you will not show them any more regret or despair. Just… just give them… nothing.”

The Empty started rubbing its hands as is considered Jack’s suggestion. Jack looked back at his fathers to see if his suggestion was acceptable to them as well. Both Sam and Castiel nodded. Dean shrugged. He might be a temporary Angel, but he wouldn’t mind letting the Demons experience a little hell after they died.

“But who will decide. If you decide, you will take the spirit. If I decide, I will take the spirit.” The Empty finally spoke.

Sam cleared his throat “How about you let the spirits be weighed in the same way as the souls are? If they have done well in life, they will be sent to Jack. If not, they will be sent to the Empty.”

“That sounds very just.” Castiel smiled.

Jack slowly stepped forward towards the Empty. It looked at him as if waiting for him to attack. “I am sorry that I have not shown you any kindness before. I guess I was too scared of you to consider what you might want. But I really just want for us to live in peace.” Jack stretched out his hand. “Will you accept my proposal?”

The Empty cocked its head, looking at Jack’s outstretched hand as if it might grow teeth and bite. But when no such thing happened, it mirrored the action and shook Jack’s hand while mumbling. “Maybe new God is not as stupid as old God.”


	21. Found One of Your Old Mixtapes, Remember Listening to Grace, I Do

When they popped back into the library, everyone drew a breath of relief. They looked around at each other. Everyone was fairly unhurt, everyone was here.

“You did it, Jack.” Castiel squeezed his son’s shoulder.

“ _We_ did it.” Jack corrected.

“What’s a little partying between friends?” Dean shrugged.

“Between family.” Sam corrected, lightly shoving at his brother, earning him a smile.

Dean put an arm around Sam’s shoulders in return. “So, what now?”

“Now, we need to build Angel Heaven. It’s going to take a little time. And then, we will call upon Anubis to judge the spirits in the Empty, and the spirits deserving of Heaven will be transferred.”

“You really think the Empty will keep his end of the deal?” Dean asked, ever the sceptic.

Jack frowned for a moment. “Yes, I do believe so. No one has ever tried to talk to it before. Listen to it. Chuck, and I, have just popped in and done what we came for and left. Basically, we started this war. So, I need to end it. And I believe we found a compromise that will benefit all.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” Sam nodded. He caught Dean’s eye and frowned. “So, now you don’t have to be an Angel anymore. You can cut the wings.”

“Yeah… Right…” Dean smiled tightly. He had completely forgotten about that. They were done. He was done. He could go back to being… dead.

“Actually, you have a choice in that matter.” Jack said with a secretive smile. “I can separate your soul from your body and release the grace from your body. You can go back to your afterlife just like before…”

“Or?” Dean prompted when Jack didn’t continue.

“Or… You can stay as you are. An Archangel of Heaven. It would mean some work and if necessary defending Heaven against any aggressors. But I am hoping it will be a bit quieter now that we have an agreement with the Empty. You are of course welcome to leave at any point you wish. I will not hold you against your will.” Jack held his hands up in a reassuring gesture. “Team Free Will, right?”

“Seriously?” Dean asked.

“Yeah.” Jack smiled. “I’ve turned other humans into Angels. Only if they wanted to of course. They have to be willing to serve. And it turns out that a lot of previous soldiers and police officers and similar people find it difficult to be at peace. They need a purpose in order to rest. Maybe you need the same thing? And even though I might be able to create new Archangels now that we have a deal with the Empty, I don’t want to push my luck yet. It would be reassuring to have you on the team.”

Dean turned away from the enthusiastic God to look at his brother and lover. Yes, lover was a good word. He finally found the right word.

“Dean. You deserve peace. Heaven will be safe now. Don’t worry about it.” Even though Castiel said ‘Heaven’, what he truly meant was himself. And Dean knew that. _I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Rest. Be at peace._

But that’s not what Dean needed to hear. Of course he valued Cas’ opinion, but… he had already made up his mind. He instinctively knew what felt right. So instead, he looked at Sam.

Sam looked at him, pleadingly. His idiot big brother. Kill his brother and he sells his soul. Send him to a warm home with a beautiful woman and a good kid, and he still keeps a gun under his pillow, still runs towards the first sign of someone who might be in danger. Kidnap his brother and adoptive son, and he turns over his body to an Archangel. Put his boyfriend in danger, and he becomes an Archangel himself.

Dean had stopped being a normal human when he was four years old. He was never a child, never a teenager. Always the soldier. Not only because he was forced to be it. But because he couldn’t live with what might happen to his loved ones if he wasn’t.

And here he was now. Looking at his little brother for permission do what would grant him at peace. Because he knew he will disappoint his family. But if his little brother will be okay… then everything will be okay.

Sam sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t help a smile from forming on his face. “Go get them, cowboy.”

-.-.-.-

Of course, the family accepted his choice. Some more reluctantly than others. Specifically his father had to take a long walk before clapping Dean’s shoulder and smiling. “Whatever makes you happy, son.”

Castiel told him that he could move into a heavenly room of his own and decorate it however he liked. “You wanted to move out of your parents’ house. This is probably not what you had in mind, but none the less, it will be your own.” Castiel blushed and avoided eye contact when he continued. “Or… you could move in with me. If you want to. I mean… We don’t really need a place to sleep, but a place to rest is nice. A place to just be… us.”

“To just be us, huh?” Dean parroted with a smirk and snaked his arms around his Angel. “I can think of plenty of ways to make good use of your – _our_ – room.”

They still went to visit the family regularly. The deal with the Empty went smooth, giving them more free time than what Castiel had ever had before. They had long evenings under the stary skies of Heaven, all-night parties at the Roadhouse and long, languid mornings in bed.

And they took long drives through the green landscape of Heaven. Only them and the roaring engine of the Impala. Dean was thrilled that Castiel was still willing to go on something as simple as a drive. But the Angel clearly had just as fond memories of the vehicle as Dean did.

During one of these drives, Castiel leaned in close to Dean, his warm breath sending thrills down Dean’s spine. “Do you remember the memorabilia in my room?” When Dean made an affirmative sound, Castiel continued. “I kept something from my time on Earth with you as well.”

Castiel raised his hand, showing the familiar tape with Dean’s clumsy handwriting. _Dean’s top 13 Zepp TRAXX_.

Dean laughed and immediately popped the tape into the player. Music filled the small space, adding the last layer of perfection to the experience.

Some time passed before Castiel again broke the silence. “You do know what this means, don’t you? You being an Archangel?”

For a moment, Dean thought it must be something bad, judging by the serious tone from his lover. But when he looked at Cas, he would almost say that the Angel looked smug. “What?”

“You will need to learn how to fly.”


	22. Credits & Afterword

First I have listed all the amazing songs that have inspired the titles of the chapters in this fic and then I have a long rambling with some of my thoughts behind his fic.

**Credits**

Title: _Surely Heavens Waits for You_ / ‘Carry on Wayward Son’ by Kansas (As if I could have chosen any other song to inspire the title)

Chapter 1: _Another Day in this Carnival of Souls_ / ‘Far from Home’ by Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 2: _I Hear You Night After Night Calling Out My Name, And I Find Myself Running to Meet You_ / ‘Break In’ by Halestorm

Chapter 3: _TV Told Me It Was Like the Movies, But It Never Was_ / ‘I Want You Anyway’ by Jon McLaughlin

Chapter 4: _It’s Kinda Hard to Talk Right Now_ / ‘Lips of an Angel’ by Hinder

Chapter 5: _Another Night Settles in as Quickly as It Goes_ / ‘Far from Home’ by Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 6: _Leave No Stone Unturned, Leave Your Fears Behind_ / ‘If Today Was Your Last Day’ by Nickelback

Chapter 7: _Walls are Built to Keep Us Safe, Until They’re Crashing Down_ / ‘Angel’ by Theory of a Deadman

Chapter 8: _Would You be the Saviour of the Broken, the Beaten and the Damned_ / ‘The Black Parade’ by My Chemical Romance

Chapter 9: _Everything I Wanted Was in My Hand, I Gave it All Up for a Better Man_ / ‘Blame Me’ by The Pretty Reckless

Chapter 10: _But You Always Knew that You'd Be the One That Work While They All Play_ / ‘Warrior’ by Imagine Dragons

Chapter 11: _Wash the Poison from off My Skin, Show Me How to be Whole Again_ / ‘Castle of Glass’ by Linkin Park

Chapter 12: _And in a Burst of Light that Blinded Every Angel_ / ‘Iridescent’ by Linkin Park

Chapter 13: _‘Cause Even a Blueprint is a Gift and a Curse_ / ‘When They Come for Me by Linkin Park

Chapter 14: _I Was Right Beside You When You Went to Hell and Back Again_ / ‘Fallen Angel’ by Three Days Grace

Chapter 15: _There’s Something Inside Me and I Know It’s Good, But Understanding is Misunderstood_ / ‘Laugh n a ½’ by D-A-D

Chapter 16: _But All I've Ever Learned from Love, Was How to Shoot Somebody Who Outdrew You_ / ‘Hallelujah’ by Leonard Cohen

Chapter 17: _On the Wrong Side of Heaven, and the Righteous Side of Hell_ / ‘Wrong Side of Heaven’ by Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 18: _And Up Through the Ashes, I Rose Like Wildfire_ / ‘The Reckoning’ by Halestorm

Chapter 19: _Rebel Souls_ / ‘Bad Company’ by Five Finger Death Punch

Chapter 20: _Found One of Your Old Mixtapes, Remember Listening to Grace, I Do_ / ‘The Silence’ by Halestorm _(This is probably the most perfect line for any chapter I have ever written)_

**Afterword**

In case you want a bit of background for this story, here’s a few of my thoughts.

I still do not know whether or not I actually ship Dean and Cas romantically. I think there is something beautiful in them loving each other just as friends/family/brothers, but you would have to be blind not to see their amazing chemistry. Weirdly enough, it almost became too real after 15x18. Maybe I just can’t bear that Castiel loves Dean and didn’t get a reaction from Dean. But based on Dean’s reaction, I would guess that he did not reciprocate Cas’ feelings.

But for this fic, I decided to challenge myself a bit and go ‘all the way down’ with this ship. If they were going to end up together – keeping it canon – how would I imagine it? Cas was pretty easy because he gave it all away in 15x18. But Dean? Damn. For a moment, I considered just having him turn down Cas and move on with the story. But the part of me that cheers for romantic Destiel called me a chicken for considering such an easy solution. But if Dean is also in love with Cas that usually opens up the whole discussion about his sexuality. That one was actually hard for me to figure out. Personally, I don’t care what people’s sexuality is. I don’t mean that in an offensive way. I just think whatever you are is just perfect for you. That’s also why I didn’t make a big deal out of it in the fic. But I did have some considerations on this subject. A lot of the amazing fanfics I’ve read includes an unknown side to Dean where he has suppressed his sexuality. But I don’t really see that in the show. A bit on the contrary, I see Dean resting very much in himself. I think, when it comes to sex, he is all about enjoyment and fun and doesn’t mind a bit of experimentation and games (Rhonda Hurley’s pink, satin panties, right?). So, conclusion: I think Dean is fundamentally heterosexual, but that he rests so much in himself that sexuality can become secondary to him. Instead, it is all about the person he is with. Google tells me the word is pansexual. So maybe he’s heterosexual with pansexual tendencies? Or maybe Cas is just his exception. I’m probably messing up these labels. I don’t like labels. Whatever you are/feel like/identify as, you are awesome.

Another issue for me was that I don’t think that Dean was in love with Castiel throughout the show. He loved him, yes, but he was not _in love_. Thinking about it, I didn’t remember Dean having any love interests after Lisa, and not really many hook-ups either. I think something broke in Dean after Lisa. I think he put love on a dusty shelf and never considered it again. So, I decided to start with Dean just being ready to try love again. My one regret is that it kinda makes Cas sound like an experiment for Dean, and that is just not fair to the Angel. But I fully believe that if Dean opens himself up and allows himself to love and be loved, that he would be very happy with Castiel. They do have the makings of an amazing couple with love and trust and mutual understanding on so many levels.

My next issue: Was I going to include sex? Never written sex in fanfic before. Plus, being a woman, M/M sex is not something I have a lot of experience with (As in; fanfics only). On the other hand, I wanted to show their relationship evolving and sex is a natural part of that. I settled on keeping it more or less true to the show; Not explicit and emphasising the emotional aspect. This might be a point where I chickened out a bit.

Lastly, in the preface I mentioned that I liked the ending of the show. I do, except for two things; 1) Mentioning Castiel so casually and meaninglessly. I think I already fixed that in this fic. 2) Sam’s aging. Wow, time was not kind to him. Saying that, I completely understand when fans reacted saying “They deserved better”. Damn straight, our heroes deserved better. Beach, Hawaii shirts, the whole nine yards. But. Sometimes life just sucks. I lost my grandmother two months before watching the finale. So when I watched it, I just thought; Yeah. That is what life is sometimes. It is not always fair, it is not always happy and you don’t always get what you deserve or need. Our boys have been fighting for all their lives and died multiple times already. At some point, something had to give. So, no, it is not the ending I wanted or hoped for, but I think it was brave and true to the show. I guess I sort of hate-loved it, because it spoke to me and understood me at a dark point in my life.

Well, that was a lot of rambling. I often write a lot of stuff like this to clear my head before writing a story, but I rarely post it. Because who the hell cares and reads all this stuff? And honestly, I don’t want to risk angering anyone. I know some of the subjects in this rambling is sensitive to some people. Of course, you are more than welcome to disagree on all the above points, I just don’t want to get into a discussion with anyone.

So, I guess I just want to end this by sending a huge THANK YOU to a show that has followed me for literally half my life. It’s been such an amazing journey, and I’m going to miss it.


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